When shall we try for #2?

I'm pretty sure I'm currently ovulating. How do I know? Ever since last summer, ie a few months after giving birth, I've noticed that I regularly get some sort of pain that would appear to be UTI because it hurts when I go to pee, but there is no burning sensation, so it can't be UTI. Also, I went to the doctors several times, including a urologist. They all say, I'm fine. Everything looks fine on the ultrasound, except for the fact that I'm stress incontinent. In other words, I pee when I sneeze. (Well, I've known that since it started happening midway through the pregnancy. So now, every time I know I'll sneeze, I have to stop, put my legs together, squeeze my muscles, and then, only then, sneeze. Otherwise, I pee my pants.) But as the urologist said, "you know, once you've had a baby, nothing is ever the same."

I guess it's true. Eventually I figured that the mystery non-UTI pain comes every month, mid-cycle. In other words, just when I should be ovulating. And to be fair to myself, the pain does remind me of labor contractions I had. Well, not really contractions, but the pain is in the same location and it feels the same as when I was in labor. So for now, I've been calling it "my ovulation time." I guess this is an interesting take on natural contraception. Let's see whether it proves to be accurate when we try for number #2.

So, these last few days, I'm ovulating (ie experiencing the non-UTI pain). I've been thinking "Shall we go for it? Shall we try? Is this the month?" According to my personal objectives and ro do lists (of which I'm full), we should be trying starting this month. With Ivan I was a month pregnant at this time two years ago, and considering that I want the kids to be 2 years apart, how is the time to start. I've also gotten it in my head that I would like to deliver the second baby while I'm still 35. COnsidering that I'll turn 36 next April, we've got to conceive this or next month.

(I don't know why I'm so stuck on 35. Maybe because I conceived and gave birth to Ivan at 33. And if I hit my 36, then I'll probably feel like I'm behind my to do plan and list -- and this slipping behind, which happens to me all the time, I truly can't stand, because I hate to feel like I'm behind.)

But we've been so busy with stuff, that I' tired. I know Andy is tired. We would both like a break. We would also like to finish up all these things that are currently in limbo so we can move on. (What's in limbo: nothing in particular, except that we've been working hard and long hours for the last few weeks; there's been some sort of must-to-do event, like a wedding, every weekend; the renter from the apartment just left so we need to fix up the place and rent it out;....).

And basically, the thought of getting pregnant right now sounds overwhelming. Not because of some existentialist reason "are we ready for the baby" but because of these mundane things that we just need to wrap up.

But then again, as Andy said, "it will never be the right time to have a baby." True and not true. On this existentialist level, I could come up with a bizzilion reasons why we weren't ready for Ivan and why we wouldn't be ready for this baby. But I'm not even going there.

But just right now, the thought of being pregnant (ie weak, sick, sleepy, etc...) and trying to have stamina to finish all these things we need to wrap up, just sounds so tiring and overwhelming.

So I guess, next month we shall see.