Playground ettiquete -- the odd mom out

Ivan's walking and nascent socializing attempts at public places such as the playground, libraries, etc...have brought about an unexpected set of dilemmas -- how to approach, handle and befriend other moms (really parents. The playground is no longer an exlusive mommy territory).

For example, Ivan always seems to be determined to be walking away from the playground items (such as swings, slides, etc) to expand his horizonts and explore new interesting territories. The new interesting territories usually being other people's strollers and random sippy cups laying around. Or even worse, just positioning himself infront of a group of kids or parents and starting at them.

These circumstances then require some level of interaction on my part with other adults. And that's where I've been getting a bit stumped and unsure of what the proper ettiquete is, and how much of this "watercooler-ie-playground" chat is appropriate. Does one engage other parents and if, yes, how much chatting is appropriate, especially if one doesn't feel extrovertedly inclined on that occasion? Then there is the issue that even if you want to engage and talk to the other adult, you really can't -- because you have to keep an eye out on the baby and his random wanderings.

Or at what point does one stop the child (ie me stopping Ivan) from approaching and looking at other people's strollers. Obviously, if I try to derail his determined approach toward his goal (the stroller), he'll start screaming, crying and throwing a tantrum. Then again, I obviously don't want to let him touch other people's stuff -- although I assume they would understand my predicament, after all they're also at the playground with their kids, I don't want to test those waters. What if the stroller belongs to a psycho mom who tries to accuse us of touching, trying to steal, or god knows what else (OK, maybe I'm exeggarating a bit here, but still).

And then there is the stare, when Ivan approaches someone and firmly plants himself infront of them. What do I do? Just stand there egging him on to say hi? Start chatting with the other adult? Wait to see whether the adult will engage Ivan? Pull Ivan away (and risk crying)? I'm not sure.

Maybe I feel awkward about these situations and have all these questions because I'm naturally not a baby person. Even now with Ivan, it does not come naturally to me to talk to, play or interact with other kiddies, especially those older than Ivan. (In other words, I've mastered the social skills of interacting with up-to-15-month olds, but that's as far as my abilities go for now).

And a few months ago, a little girl pulled off a similar thing and I wasn't sure how to act:
Ivan and I were on the swings at an adjacent playground, when a little girl, who was a bit older than Ivan, at least a year older, came up to us and just stood there, staring, hovering, wanting to be. I wasn't sure what to do. Ivan couldn't walk at that time so he couldn't approach her. (He was quite interested in looking at her, though.) And the girl just stood there, following us around. She was with her dad, who was right behind her. So I felt obliged to talk to him. But talk about what (beyond the playground version of the weather chat, "how old's your baby," "what's his name,"...)? I was at a loss. I felt forced and I didn't feel like putting effort into it. But would it have been rude to just ignore them or walk away?

Eventually, I picked up Ivan from the swing and we went to check out the slide on the other side of the playground equipment.


It's even worse when Ivan approaches a group of kids or adults who obvioulsy know each other and have come to the playground together. Then I feel like the odd girl (mom, I should say) out, trying to break into the popular crowd.

I got this dinstinct feeling (of being the odd mom out) when I took Ivan to the story hour at the library back in April when I was on vacation. I had been looking forward to the story hour. I wanted to see what it was all about and wanted to see if Ivan would have fun.

We arrived a bit late so we had to sit in the back of the room, which was packed with moms and kids (not all were moms, many were nannies, but in most cases it was quite obvious who's a nanny and who's a mom). We sat in the back. Ivan was at first confused, sat comfortably in my lap and looked around. He wasn't really into playing little songs and games that the librarian was doing, but he was engaged by just looking around and taking everything in.

Then he got brave and started walking....straight to the back of the room to a couple of strollers that had sippy cups in them. I kept pulling him off the strollers to bring him to the center of the room, but to no avail. He was magnetically attracted to the strollers. It was a bit embarrasing. Oh well.

Then eventually he decided that he'll go and mingle with kids (the librarian was handing out some sort of props for an upcoming song). Ivan got a prop, which then another kid promply took away and then another kid gave him another prop. At this point, Ivan got so fearless that he just started walking into the through the crowd and into the people -- looking/starting at other moms, just kind of hovering there. Again, struck up some half clumsily conversations.

Then the hour ended. We lingered around a bit. There was a whole slew of moms talking to the librarian. It was obvious they all knew each other and come regularly to the story hour. I lingered around to see whether I would find a good opening to go and talk to them. But it didn't happen. Ivan got cranky so we left.

But the whole experience made me feel like back in high school. A new girl in a new high school trying to scope out the situation and trying to figure out what and where the clicks are and see whom she could befriend. Considering that I hated high school and had the worst time adapting to new schools and making friends, this is not a time in my life I willingly return to. Neither do I like being reduced to experiencing those feelings - of oddness, being left out...

I haven't felt like that since college (most of the time). So I don't know why I felt like this at the library and why I feel like it around other moms. It's the feeling of feeling not good enough and inferior to these people (that's how I felt in high school, at least). And I can't figure out why -- it's not that they're necessarily better of than me. I guess I feel reduced to feeling like a new foreign "weird" girl from a weird communist country who just landed to america and her appearance, clothes, etc aren't good enough because she hasn't figure out yet what's popular and what's in and, more importantly, how to break in with the popular crowd (which she soon discovered she wouldn't want to be a part of anyway, because they all seem dumb, but still she wanted to belong)