The last few weeks Ivan has become quite a picky eater. I did read a few weeks ago on Baby Center that 15 month-olds get so busy with running around that they forget to eat. And, also that they like to control food intake because it's one thing they can control in this ever growing and confusing world (or maybe that's an excuse for picky, fussy 3 year-olds.)
In any case, it's gotten a bit exasparating, because I'm not sure what to feed him. (and now that I'm home with him this week, I get to see fussy, picky eating throughout the whole day. )
He must eat something because he does poop, often up to 3 times a day. And I imagine, it's not just from milk.
Since Monday his diet has consisted of avocados, yo-yo yogurt (those yogurts are more addictive than Cheerios. At least they taste good), pears, cheerios (although those get thrown on the floor more than get eaten), and babanas. And that's it.
He doesn't want his cereal. He doesn't want apple sauce mixed with cereal. He refused to try a peach or a strawberry (and I've seen him eat strawberries in the past). He's refused plain yogurt with strawberries. He apparently detests quiona. He didn't want any quiona with sauteed peppers, nor with meat (which he eat the week before.) He didn't want any mashed potatoes with meat. I couldn't even approach his mouth with it. He didn't even want any cheese.
This morning, I made quiche because he ate quiche a few weeks ago when I first and last made it. And he loved it. Back then a few weeks ago. Granted, the quiche I made then was with spinach. The one this morning was with broccoli -- it was all the suitable vegetable I had. And besides it's a good way to sneak broccoli into our diet.
So with this quiche I made a tactical mistake. Instead of giving him a spoonful of quiche (ie egg and cheese), I picked a morsel with broccoli in it. I had one opportunity and blew it. I easily managed to put that spoonful in his mouth. "Score," I thought, when he just spit it back out.
This spitting out technique is just sneaky enough to make parents think they've won, they've managed to put something into the baby's mouth. Success. And then the baby just spits it out. It's not really a spit. It's more of a drop. It's just opening his mouth wide, letting the food drop on the floor.
When I blew it with quiche. For the rest of the day, I couldn't get it anywhere near his mouth.
Then in utter desperation, I stumbled on crackers. Surprisingly enough he liked them. I think it's the biting the cracker that he likes.
I also realized today that the cheese I was trying to give him (Dubliner cheese) must have been too spicey. Instead I gave him the "diet cheeese," the low fat mozzarella sticks that I eat when I'm trying to loose weight and that I give Mariposa when we play "the cheese game." And he ate it! I'm sure because this cheese can't be any more bland and tasteless than it is.
And the funny thing is, he really knows what he wants and doesn't want. I guess want he likes and will eat, and what he won't. He tells you "ne." And it's the most disarming "ne" ever. He says it so politely, with a big smile.
You can't help but to melt yet you're so frustrated with him because he won't eat anything beyond avocados, yo-yos, pears and milk.
Is it milk? Are we giving him too much milk? If I tally all milk drinking during the day and night, he drinks between 20-30 ounces. That sounds right to me. I'm already up in arms and feel like an awful mom because I still let him drink milk from his bottle and go to bed with it (we brusha, brusha teeth before milk, most of the days, or during a milk break before he goes to bed). Should I give him less milk in hope he will eat more? Even the thought of that sounds so cruel. Deprive him of milk, and listen to all the horrific crying that would ensue. How motherly would that be.
So I'm just hoping that all these lack of eating this week is just another teething bout. There has been a bit of drool (he's not a drooler), and on a rare occasion when I can look into his wide open mouth, it seems that the toothless gums are getting a bit jagged as if teeth will erupt soon through them.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Work Retreat
I went on a work retreat overnight. We left yesterday afternoon and returned this afternoon.
While all the bonding, working better, and all these work issues were of key importance why I was supposed to go to the retreat, the real reason why I went was to get a full night of interrupted sleep.
I stayed in a nice hotel room, had a big bed all to myself, and slept the whole night and even slept in until 8 a.m. No one was there to wake me up at 3 a.m., 5 a.m., etc. for various milk or potty needs, not the baby, not the dog.
While other work people had a night on the town, several of us, moms of young children, went to bed early.
Our colleagues had even a little informal poll going of who was going to give in first, Nina, Maria or Lisa. We all bailed at the same time.
By 10:30, I was in bed. I tried to watch TV, but as soon as I hit that bed, a wave of immense fatigue overtook me and that was it. I was out like a light.
When I woke up in the morning, I was unfortunately still looking sleep deprived, not refreshed. Maybe we should've stayed at the hotel two nights.
When I came home this afternoon, it was so incredibly exciting to see Mr. Meh. I feel like he changed in the 36 hours I hadn't seen him. He seemed cuter and chubbier and just more giggly and happy. I'm so in love with him and so in awe of him.
While all the bonding, working better, and all these work issues were of key importance why I was supposed to go to the retreat, the real reason why I went was to get a full night of interrupted sleep.
I stayed in a nice hotel room, had a big bed all to myself, and slept the whole night and even slept in until 8 a.m. No one was there to wake me up at 3 a.m., 5 a.m., etc. for various milk or potty needs, not the baby, not the dog.
While other work people had a night on the town, several of us, moms of young children, went to bed early.
Our colleagues had even a little informal poll going of who was going to give in first, Nina, Maria or Lisa. We all bailed at the same time.
By 10:30, I was in bed. I tried to watch TV, but as soon as I hit that bed, a wave of immense fatigue overtook me and that was it. I was out like a light.
When I woke up in the morning, I was unfortunately still looking sleep deprived, not refreshed. Maybe we should've stayed at the hotel two nights.
When I came home this afternoon, it was so incredibly exciting to see Mr. Meh. I feel like he changed in the 36 hours I hadn't seen him. He seemed cuter and chubbier and just more giggly and happy. I'm so in love with him and so in awe of him.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Play and other Bedtime Antics
In the last few weeks, Ivan has become a little running machine who constantly wants to play. Andy says that he especially wants to play with me in the evening during out post-bath, pre-bed time.
The level, intensity and interest in play have really become heightened in the last few weeks -- so has the level of chattering and babble (in his special Ivan language. Although on closer thought, I've noticed that all the babies I've seen so far seem to babble the same way. So maybe there is a universal baby babble language that we, the adults, are not privy too anymore. This was probably the same thought that the writer/director of that baby movie some years ago had in mind. The baby movie where a bunch of babies communicate in some way. Obviously I have no clue what its name is)
We've been playing catch and hide and seek, where he runs away from me and then comes back, but when I try to catch him to hug him (which is still an impossible feat as the boy doesn't want to stay still for a second for some cuddling, and I so desperately want to cuddle him) he runs away again. It's laugh and giggles galore.
In the last two weeks or so, he's also gotten fascinated by that alphabet rubber mat puzzle I laid in the spare bedroom. He seems to prefer oval letter -- R, S, D, O and that the insert out of them. He takes the letters out so we put them in their proper places again. He loves it. Then it's back to running.
He also loves to take his teddy bear (well, several of them) hug them and run with them, and then fling them on the floor. Upon his running return, he picks up the bear again, hugs it or puts it on teh floor and lays on top of it. This is usually my clue that it's time to put him to bed.
And putting him to bed has become more difficult. He has so much fun playing with me that he often absolutely refuses to be put in bed. I manage to do it on a 2nd or 3rd try. Sometimes, not even the bottle helps. (Baby Center did warn about this: that 16 months old get so excited running and playing with the parent and don't want to go to bed for the sake of missing out on something).
Well, all this to say that over the last two months, when I finallly thought we made so reading progress before bed time has fell apart. He'll sit still for a second and then take off.
I've managed to put in in teh crib once or twice and then I sat in front of the crib with my back to it holding the book high in front of me, so I can read him a book and he can look at the pictures. It kind of worked, but then I risk riling him up for not wanting to settle down.
So the reading project in on a hiatus for now.
So is the whole idea of giving up the bottle (he still absolutely refuses to drink milk from anything else. Actually the problem has gotten worse), or having him drink milk ahead of time and then have him go to sleep without anything. (Although on a few occasion he would finish his milk while still running around, but then I would still put him to bed with the bottle. It's a comfort thing. I tried putting water in the bottle, but he caught onto my trick. With the crying that ensued, I will not be repeating that trick for a while)
The level, intensity and interest in play have really become heightened in the last few weeks -- so has the level of chattering and babble (in his special Ivan language. Although on closer thought, I've noticed that all the babies I've seen so far seem to babble the same way. So maybe there is a universal baby babble language that we, the adults, are not privy too anymore. This was probably the same thought that the writer/director of that baby movie some years ago had in mind. The baby movie where a bunch of babies communicate in some way. Obviously I have no clue what its name is)
We've been playing catch and hide and seek, where he runs away from me and then comes back, but when I try to catch him to hug him (which is still an impossible feat as the boy doesn't want to stay still for a second for some cuddling, and I so desperately want to cuddle him) he runs away again. It's laugh and giggles galore.
In the last two weeks or so, he's also gotten fascinated by that alphabet rubber mat puzzle I laid in the spare bedroom. He seems to prefer oval letter -- R, S, D, O and that the insert out of them. He takes the letters out so we put them in their proper places again. He loves it. Then it's back to running.
He also loves to take his teddy bear (well, several of them) hug them and run with them, and then fling them on the floor. Upon his running return, he picks up the bear again, hugs it or puts it on teh floor and lays on top of it. This is usually my clue that it's time to put him to bed.
And putting him to bed has become more difficult. He has so much fun playing with me that he often absolutely refuses to be put in bed. I manage to do it on a 2nd or 3rd try. Sometimes, not even the bottle helps. (Baby Center did warn about this: that 16 months old get so excited running and playing with the parent and don't want to go to bed for the sake of missing out on something).
Well, all this to say that over the last two months, when I finallly thought we made so reading progress before bed time has fell apart. He'll sit still for a second and then take off.
I've managed to put in in teh crib once or twice and then I sat in front of the crib with my back to it holding the book high in front of me, so I can read him a book and he can look at the pictures. It kind of worked, but then I risk riling him up for not wanting to settle down.
So the reading project in on a hiatus for now.
So is the whole idea of giving up the bottle (he still absolutely refuses to drink milk from anything else. Actually the problem has gotten worse), or having him drink milk ahead of time and then have him go to sleep without anything. (Although on a few occasion he would finish his milk while still running around, but then I would still put him to bed with the bottle. It's a comfort thing. I tried putting water in the bottle, but he caught onto my trick. With the crying that ensued, I will not be repeating that trick for a while)
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Got to make time
I keep complaining to myself that now I never have time to do the little artsy-craftsy, ie. personal, projects, read, write, saw my the bag I learned to saw in a sewing class I took back in December, etc. I whine to myself that all my time is booked up by work, home, baby, etc....I keep promising myself that I'll wake up early in the morning (before Ivan gets up, which is, say, before 5 a.m.) to do my stuff for 1/2 hour, walk Mariposa, take a shower, and come back to play with Ivan around 6:30 after he finishes his morning bottle of milk and is up and ready to play and run around. I tell myself that in the evening, after completing a house chore, I'll do something that's family fun, maybe exercise, maybe .....
The evening formula is supposed to be:
-one house chore (the idea is that if I do a house chore per night, this would get away with the need to perform a more thorough weekly house cleaning)
-one fun Nina thing (such as read a book, write in the blog, etc.)
-one fun family thing (like watch TV with Andy, or play "cheese" with Posa)
-one work thing (that is check work email and put 1 hour of work at night to compensate for the theoretical-5 p.m. work departure, which still leaves me with having to make up the one work hour at home to put in the 9 hour day, which buys me an AWS-a work-free Friday, every other week. But as Andy recently asked "which free Fridays am I referring to considering that I've been going to work each Friday and still checking email at night and on weeekends. I even tried to do some work on my 35th birthday day. That one pushed him a bit over the edge. Hm, I wonder why?)
This evening formula has largely been a theoretical concept so far. Someone I manage to complete one fun task (which is usually the work email one).
But I know that I really put my will behind it I could do it. In other words, I think I'm just lazy (and chronically tired).
Because back in the pre-walking days when Ivan was still crawling around in the "sweeping the floor" style, I diligently did vacuum and sweep the house each night (or morning before everyone got up). I kept up this task for months.
Back in the day before Ivan started eating "adult food" and I was still on the anti-commercial baby food kick, I diligently made cooked and pureed batches of baby food -- carrots (which are still a bitch to puree), apples, pears, sweet potatoes, potatoes, pumpkin, squash, various vetegables, etc. I kept up at this for some 6 months.
Back in the day when I was still breastfeeding, I diligently pumped at work, first twice-a-day, then once a day, for three months each. It wrough havoc on my work (or lack of it) but I did it. Diligently and every day. (It seems so long ago now and so impossible to fathom, yet I was so profoundly upset when I stopped nursing Ivan some 4 months ago.)
Last night and last week, I managed to read - from start to finish - not one book but two (The Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao and Julie/Julia) because I was into them.
So when I complain that I can't read a paper daily, can't keep up with my Economist and New Yorkers and other magazines I'd like to be a regular reader of (not to mention various web and blog sites), can't find time to exersice, play with Mariposa, write my novel(s) and stories, I'm just really complaining and procrastinating.
It I really wanted to achieve these things, I know I can. Maybe I just don't want to.
The evening formula is supposed to be:
-one house chore (the idea is that if I do a house chore per night, this would get away with the need to perform a more thorough weekly house cleaning)
-one fun Nina thing (such as read a book, write in the blog, etc.)
-one fun family thing (like watch TV with Andy, or play "cheese" with Posa)
-one work thing (that is check work email and put 1 hour of work at night to compensate for the theoretical-5 p.m. work departure, which still leaves me with having to make up the one work hour at home to put in the 9 hour day, which buys me an AWS-a work-free Friday, every other week. But as Andy recently asked "which free Fridays am I referring to considering that I've been going to work each Friday and still checking email at night and on weeekends. I even tried to do some work on my 35th birthday day. That one pushed him a bit over the edge. Hm, I wonder why?)
This evening formula has largely been a theoretical concept so far. Someone I manage to complete one fun task (which is usually the work email one).
But I know that I really put my will behind it I could do it. In other words, I think I'm just lazy (and chronically tired).
Because back in the pre-walking days when Ivan was still crawling around in the "sweeping the floor" style, I diligently did vacuum and sweep the house each night (or morning before everyone got up). I kept up this task for months.
Back in the day before Ivan started eating "adult food" and I was still on the anti-commercial baby food kick, I diligently made cooked and pureed batches of baby food -- carrots (which are still a bitch to puree), apples, pears, sweet potatoes, potatoes, pumpkin, squash, various vetegables, etc. I kept up at this for some 6 months.
Back in the day when I was still breastfeeding, I diligently pumped at work, first twice-a-day, then once a day, for three months each. It wrough havoc on my work (or lack of it) but I did it. Diligently and every day. (It seems so long ago now and so impossible to fathom, yet I was so profoundly upset when I stopped nursing Ivan some 4 months ago.)
Last night and last week, I managed to read - from start to finish - not one book but two (The Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao and Julie/Julia) because I was into them.
So when I complain that I can't read a paper daily, can't keep up with my Economist and New Yorkers and other magazines I'd like to be a regular reader of (not to mention various web and blog sites), can't find time to exersice, play with Mariposa, write my novel(s) and stories, I'm just really complaining and procrastinating.
It I really wanted to achieve these things, I know I can. Maybe I just don't want to.
Buttering myself up
Since I've officially stopped Weight Watchers about two months ago, I haven't been able to stop eating.
I feel like I'm sabotaging myself on purpose. Trying to undo all the good weight loss I had achieved. And I was still some five pounds off from the weight I wanted to be at before getting pregnant again.
But the last two months, there have been exorbitant amounts and occasions for sweets, pastries and chocolate. There have been work meetings and retreats (blondies, brownies and cookies); weddings and baby parties (cupcakes, cakes, etc); and a huge stash of chocolate my dad brought from Croatia. So I've been eating at least a bar a day (like an 8 oz bar a day). Who knows how many weigh watchers points that is. I shudder at the thought.
Eating all those sweets, it doesn't even feel good: Not the taste, not the feeling in the stomach. It just contributes to me feeling gross, lethargic, fat and middle aged. But once I start, I can't stop until I eat the whole box (or what ever the container or a single size item is).
It's almost like I'm trying to subconciously beef and butter myself up for another baby.
I feel like I'm sabotaging myself on purpose. Trying to undo all the good weight loss I had achieved. And I was still some five pounds off from the weight I wanted to be at before getting pregnant again.
But the last two months, there have been exorbitant amounts and occasions for sweets, pastries and chocolate. There have been work meetings and retreats (blondies, brownies and cookies); weddings and baby parties (cupcakes, cakes, etc); and a huge stash of chocolate my dad brought from Croatia. So I've been eating at least a bar a day (like an 8 oz bar a day). Who knows how many weigh watchers points that is. I shudder at the thought.
Eating all those sweets, it doesn't even feel good: Not the taste, not the feeling in the stomach. It just contributes to me feeling gross, lethargic, fat and middle aged. But once I start, I can't stop until I eat the whole box (or what ever the container or a single size item is).
It's almost like I'm trying to subconciously beef and butter myself up for another baby.
Ivan's latest tricks
Clapping for Bavo
Ivan knows how to clap when he does something right and especially after we say "bravo." Grandma taugh him this last time he spent the weekend at their house. I think he actually even tries to say "bravo." I think I've heard him say "bavo" but I'm not sure. (But my mom said she thought she heard him say the same thing, so maybe he is saying "bavo").
Downward-facing Dog
Since last week, he's also been finding it especially funny to stand up, bend down and put his head back on the floor to look backwards and up-side-down through his legs. He gets all giggly, especially when I lay my head on the floor and look at him up-side-down too. It's such and effortless downward facing dog position that I'm almost jealous. He does it for play and giggles, and I can barely get through it in yoga.
Stop the Right Foot
This weekend we noticed that he likes to stop him right foot two or three times. He thinks it's funny. He must have done it first (I'm sure no one taught him. I mean, none of us go around stomping our feet. Not even Mariposa). We must have laughed and encouraged him to do it again. And he did. And now it's all laughs and giggles.
Hide and Seek; Tag
For the last couple of weeks, Ivan has really gotten down these two game concepts. After our bath, he always runs away and then I go to catch him. Big giggles.
He's also learned to play chase around the kitchen -- running in circles from kitchen, living room, dining room. Just like Mariposa did when she was a baby.
Ivan knows how to clap when he does something right and especially after we say "bravo." Grandma taugh him this last time he spent the weekend at their house. I think he actually even tries to say "bravo." I think I've heard him say "bavo" but I'm not sure. (But my mom said she thought she heard him say the same thing, so maybe he is saying "bavo").
Downward-facing Dog
Since last week, he's also been finding it especially funny to stand up, bend down and put his head back on the floor to look backwards and up-side-down through his legs. He gets all giggly, especially when I lay my head on the floor and look at him up-side-down too. It's such and effortless downward facing dog position that I'm almost jealous. He does it for play and giggles, and I can barely get through it in yoga.
Stop the Right Foot
This weekend we noticed that he likes to stop him right foot two or three times. He thinks it's funny. He must have done it first (I'm sure no one taught him. I mean, none of us go around stomping our feet. Not even Mariposa). We must have laughed and encouraged him to do it again. And he did. And now it's all laughs and giggles.
Hide and Seek; Tag
For the last couple of weeks, Ivan has really gotten down these two game concepts. After our bath, he always runs away and then I go to catch him. Big giggles.
He's also learned to play chase around the kitchen -- running in circles from kitchen, living room, dining room. Just like Mariposa did when she was a baby.
I've become that person
I've become that person, the one who never returns phone calls, who makes no attempts at staying in touch with acquaintances and friends, who has gone MIA. The person I never used to understand, the person I used to get profoundly upset at when someone else, someone I considered a friend, or a friend in the making, would inexplicably morph into.
Is it the baby, is it this semi-suburban lifestyle, the routine grind of it all -- wake up at 5:30 by alarm-clock baby, drag myself to work, waste one third of the work day on watercooler baby chat with other moms, drag myself back from work just in time to put Mr. Meh to bed, doze off for a few minutes, eat dinner, clean up the daily tornado aftermath that Mr. Meh's roaming leaves behind, get to bed around midnight, only to do it all over again.
A guy-friend who had slowly been falling of the friend-wagon to the point that we we bumped at each other at the metro we barely spoke like acquaitances who've long parted ways. I actually had a bit of an up-turned nose because back in the day I felt snubbed when our friendship started trailing off. (We were friends, but not really part of the same friend circle. He always seemed to have a friend circle which I would occasionally visit, but he was never really part of my friend circle. The problem was, even back then, that I never really had a friend-circle situation. I was always more of a sole drifter visiting different circle friends.) The trailing off started a few years back when he got married, got pregnant and moved to the burbs. (The same burbs in which I now live less than a mile from his house.)
A year or so into the baby, we met for lunch, when he said, "Oh, you'll see once you have a kid you'll fall of the radar for a few years."
I didn't understand what he meant back then in my pre-marital, pre-suburbian, pre-dog, pre-baby days. I just felt slighted that he couldn't remember to remain friends. A few years later, another friend, a female friend, pulled the same crap at me one their first baby was born. Just stopped being in touch. She and her husband would be very pleasant and eager to socialize when I'd meet at embassy functions, but every year it would stop at that. Numbers would be exchanged, I'd make the phonecall to make plans to get together. And inevitably that would be it. About two years ago, after one such encounter, we did get together and they came for a visit. And I never heard from the again. I wonder whether it was Mariposa who scarred off their two daughters.
I still didn't understand during Ivan's first year. I'm just beginning to get it now. In the last few months. It's inertia. It's too much work and effort and at the end of the day you just want to kick your feet up and not talk to people. (Also, as I've realized in my recent conversations with some single girlfriends, you run out of things to talk about because your life becomes all about the baby: "Baby this, baby that," And really who cares to hear about the baby's latest accomplishments of mastering the babble of a new syllable construction but you, your husband and the grandparents.)
It's not that I no longer think about my friends, not so close friends and acquaitances. I do spend a lot of transitory time thinking about how I should call them (those who live far), and try to make plans with those who are still here (although as I've noticed lately, the local friends are in short supply now. They all seem to have dissipated to other locations.) Instead of spending so much time on thinking, I could just make an effort to call. But that's too much work and committment.
It's too much chatter and at the end of the day, I'm just not in the mood for chatting. And to make plans to go out -- at night, I'd feel guilty going for a girls night out while Andy is at home (not that the homebody he is that he'd mind, actually, it's me who would mind), and during the day on weekends, I'd rather spent that time with Ivan and Andy and Mariposa -- my little family.
Or have I just become too complacent and lazy. Occasionally, I do fret about it. Fret about one-day finding myself friendless and alone (I never thought it wise to put all of my eggs in one, husband, basket, not matter how much I love Andy. Afterall, he's not a girlfriend material).
And since I work with a lot of friendly women my age, the situation gives me the illusion of having friends -- because we spent a lot of our day in friendly banter -- but at the end of the day, they are not friends, they are colleagues. Colleauges that if I leave this team I wouldn't stay in touch with most of them. Our relationships (or at least my relationship with most of them) is based on work commonality and not much else.
Case and point: I still haven't seen Sex and the City. Teally don't have anyone to go with. My best friends live far. Some people from work went for a girls night out, but noone remember to invite me. Some friend-acquintances who I recently saw at a mutual friends wedding didn't think of calling me. Another friend (a newly acquired mommy friend in the making) invited me to go and see it with her girlfriends. I couldn't go because I was busy that night (and besides I think I wouldn've felt like a total tool to have gone to see this move with more or less complete strangers.)
I guess I could've been more proactive about it, but I just wasn't.
Is it the baby, is it this semi-suburban lifestyle, the routine grind of it all -- wake up at 5:30 by alarm-clock baby, drag myself to work, waste one third of the work day on watercooler baby chat with other moms, drag myself back from work just in time to put Mr. Meh to bed, doze off for a few minutes, eat dinner, clean up the daily tornado aftermath that Mr. Meh's roaming leaves behind, get to bed around midnight, only to do it all over again.
A guy-friend who had slowly been falling of the friend-wagon to the point that we we bumped at each other at the metro we barely spoke like acquaitances who've long parted ways. I actually had a bit of an up-turned nose because back in the day I felt snubbed when our friendship started trailing off. (We were friends, but not really part of the same friend circle. He always seemed to have a friend circle which I would occasionally visit, but he was never really part of my friend circle. The problem was, even back then, that I never really had a friend-circle situation. I was always more of a sole drifter visiting different circle friends.) The trailing off started a few years back when he got married, got pregnant and moved to the burbs. (The same burbs in which I now live less than a mile from his house.)
A year or so into the baby, we met for lunch, when he said, "Oh, you'll see once you have a kid you'll fall of the radar for a few years."
I didn't understand what he meant back then in my pre-marital, pre-suburbian, pre-dog, pre-baby days. I just felt slighted that he couldn't remember to remain friends. A few years later, another friend, a female friend, pulled the same crap at me one their first baby was born. Just stopped being in touch. She and her husband would be very pleasant and eager to socialize when I'd meet at embassy functions, but every year it would stop at that. Numbers would be exchanged, I'd make the phonecall to make plans to get together. And inevitably that would be it. About two years ago, after one such encounter, we did get together and they came for a visit. And I never heard from the again. I wonder whether it was Mariposa who scarred off their two daughters.
I still didn't understand during Ivan's first year. I'm just beginning to get it now. In the last few months. It's inertia. It's too much work and effort and at the end of the day you just want to kick your feet up and not talk to people. (Also, as I've realized in my recent conversations with some single girlfriends, you run out of things to talk about because your life becomes all about the baby: "Baby this, baby that," And really who cares to hear about the baby's latest accomplishments of mastering the babble of a new syllable construction but you, your husband and the grandparents.)
It's not that I no longer think about my friends, not so close friends and acquaitances. I do spend a lot of transitory time thinking about how I should call them (those who live far), and try to make plans with those who are still here (although as I've noticed lately, the local friends are in short supply now. They all seem to have dissipated to other locations.) Instead of spending so much time on thinking, I could just make an effort to call. But that's too much work and committment.
It's too much chatter and at the end of the day, I'm just not in the mood for chatting. And to make plans to go out -- at night, I'd feel guilty going for a girls night out while Andy is at home (not that the homebody he is that he'd mind, actually, it's me who would mind), and during the day on weekends, I'd rather spent that time with Ivan and Andy and Mariposa -- my little family.
Or have I just become too complacent and lazy. Occasionally, I do fret about it. Fret about one-day finding myself friendless and alone (I never thought it wise to put all of my eggs in one, husband, basket, not matter how much I love Andy. Afterall, he's not a girlfriend material).
And since I work with a lot of friendly women my age, the situation gives me the illusion of having friends -- because we spent a lot of our day in friendly banter -- but at the end of the day, they are not friends, they are colleagues. Colleauges that if I leave this team I wouldn't stay in touch with most of them. Our relationships (or at least my relationship with most of them) is based on work commonality and not much else.
Case and point: I still haven't seen Sex and the City. Teally don't have anyone to go with. My best friends live far. Some people from work went for a girls night out, but noone remember to invite me. Some friend-acquintances who I recently saw at a mutual friends wedding didn't think of calling me. Another friend (a newly acquired mommy friend in the making) invited me to go and see it with her girlfriends. I couldn't go because I was busy that night (and besides I think I wouldn've felt like a total tool to have gone to see this move with more or less complete strangers.)
I guess I could've been more proactive about it, but I just wasn't.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Tired and out of it
And to add to the previous post, we've been so tired and out of it that we both forgot that yesterday was our 2-year wedding anniversary.
Neither one of us remembered it.
I remembered because my mother called this evening to wish me a happy anniversary, but she herself couldn't remember what date it is today nor what date we actually got married.
Sad all around.
Neither one of us remembered it.
I remembered because my mother called this evening to wish me a happy anniversary, but she herself couldn't remember what date it is today nor what date we actually got married.
Sad all around.
When shall we try for #2?
I'm pretty sure I'm currently ovulating. How do I know? Ever since last summer, ie a few months after giving birth, I've noticed that I regularly get some sort of pain that would appear to be UTI because it hurts when I go to pee, but there is no burning sensation, so it can't be UTI. Also, I went to the doctors several times, including a urologist. They all say, I'm fine. Everything looks fine on the ultrasound, except for the fact that I'm stress incontinent. In other words, I pee when I sneeze. (Well, I've known that since it started happening midway through the pregnancy. So now, every time I know I'll sneeze, I have to stop, put my legs together, squeeze my muscles, and then, only then, sneeze. Otherwise, I pee my pants.) But as the urologist said, "you know, once you've had a baby, nothing is ever the same."
I guess it's true. Eventually I figured that the mystery non-UTI pain comes every month, mid-cycle. In other words, just when I should be ovulating. And to be fair to myself, the pain does remind me of labor contractions I had. Well, not really contractions, but the pain is in the same location and it feels the same as when I was in labor. So for now, I've been calling it "my ovulation time." I guess this is an interesting take on natural contraception. Let's see whether it proves to be accurate when we try for number #2.
So, these last few days, I'm ovulating (ie experiencing the non-UTI pain). I've been thinking "Shall we go for it? Shall we try? Is this the month?" According to my personal objectives and ro do lists (of which I'm full), we should be trying starting this month. With Ivan I was a month pregnant at this time two years ago, and considering that I want the kids to be 2 years apart, how is the time to start. I've also gotten it in my head that I would like to deliver the second baby while I'm still 35. COnsidering that I'll turn 36 next April, we've got to conceive this or next month.
(I don't know why I'm so stuck on 35. Maybe because I conceived and gave birth to Ivan at 33. And if I hit my 36, then I'll probably feel like I'm behind my to do plan and list -- and this slipping behind, which happens to me all the time, I truly can't stand, because I hate to feel like I'm behind.)
But we've been so busy with stuff, that I' tired. I know Andy is tired. We would both like a break. We would also like to finish up all these things that are currently in limbo so we can move on. (What's in limbo: nothing in particular, except that we've been working hard and long hours for the last few weeks; there's been some sort of must-to-do event, like a wedding, every weekend; the renter from the apartment just left so we need to fix up the place and rent it out;....).
And basically, the thought of getting pregnant right now sounds overwhelming. Not because of some existentialist reason "are we ready for the baby" but because of these mundane things that we just need to wrap up.
But then again, as Andy said, "it will never be the right time to have a baby." True and not true. On this existentialist level, I could come up with a bizzilion reasons why we weren't ready for Ivan and why we wouldn't be ready for this baby. But I'm not even going there.
But just right now, the thought of being pregnant (ie weak, sick, sleepy, etc...) and trying to have stamina to finish all these things we need to wrap up, just sounds so tiring and overwhelming.
So I guess, next month we shall see.
I guess it's true. Eventually I figured that the mystery non-UTI pain comes every month, mid-cycle. In other words, just when I should be ovulating. And to be fair to myself, the pain does remind me of labor contractions I had. Well, not really contractions, but the pain is in the same location and it feels the same as when I was in labor. So for now, I've been calling it "my ovulation time." I guess this is an interesting take on natural contraception. Let's see whether it proves to be accurate when we try for number #2.
So, these last few days, I'm ovulating (ie experiencing the non-UTI pain). I've been thinking "Shall we go for it? Shall we try? Is this the month?" According to my personal objectives and ro do lists (of which I'm full), we should be trying starting this month. With Ivan I was a month pregnant at this time two years ago, and considering that I want the kids to be 2 years apart, how is the time to start. I've also gotten it in my head that I would like to deliver the second baby while I'm still 35. COnsidering that I'll turn 36 next April, we've got to conceive this or next month.
(I don't know why I'm so stuck on 35. Maybe because I conceived and gave birth to Ivan at 33. And if I hit my 36, then I'll probably feel like I'm behind my to do plan and list -- and this slipping behind, which happens to me all the time, I truly can't stand, because I hate to feel like I'm behind.)
But we've been so busy with stuff, that I' tired. I know Andy is tired. We would both like a break. We would also like to finish up all these things that are currently in limbo so we can move on. (What's in limbo: nothing in particular, except that we've been working hard and long hours for the last few weeks; there's been some sort of must-to-do event, like a wedding, every weekend; the renter from the apartment just left so we need to fix up the place and rent it out;....).
And basically, the thought of getting pregnant right now sounds overwhelming. Not because of some existentialist reason "are we ready for the baby" but because of these mundane things that we just need to wrap up.
But then again, as Andy said, "it will never be the right time to have a baby." True and not true. On this existentialist level, I could come up with a bizzilion reasons why we weren't ready for Ivan and why we wouldn't be ready for this baby. But I'm not even going there.
But just right now, the thought of being pregnant (ie weak, sick, sleepy, etc...) and trying to have stamina to finish all these things we need to wrap up, just sounds so tiring and overwhelming.
So I guess, next month we shall see.
Growing
Mr. Meh was returned yesterday after a weekend chez Grandma&Grandpa's. I kept looking at him last night while he was sleeping. He seemed to have grown over the weekend. His legs seemed longer.
Also, playing with him last night and today, he seems to understand more and interact with me on a different level. I don't want to say mature. It's not that he says new words, or babbles more, but there is something in his demeanor, in his reaction to me that is different. It's like he gets it more. OK obviously it needs to be so, since he's a baby that's growing everyday. Still it's surprising. You wouldn't think that two days would make such a difference.
He looks like a little baby doll -- all perfectly shaped head and perfect little pudgy arms, legs and tummy.
Also, playing with him last night and today, he seems to understand more and interact with me on a different level. I don't want to say mature. It's not that he says new words, or babbles more, but there is something in his demeanor, in his reaction to me that is different. It's like he gets it more. OK obviously it needs to be so, since he's a baby that's growing everyday. Still it's surprising. You wouldn't think that two days would make such a difference.
He looks like a little baby doll -- all perfectly shaped head and perfect little pudgy arms, legs and tummy.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Baby (not mine) at the wedding shower
Yesterday while Andy took Ivan for his 4th and last 1st birthday party of the batch, I hosted a wedding shower for Kris. We had the spa brought to us. Some 13 of us were gathered at the house and three technicians came over for manicures, pedicures, facials and massages. The whole thing went off better than I expected. While I love throwing parties (despite my cleaning and control freak streak), this party gave me a bit of anxiety. With these technicians coming to perform spa services and the equipment they had to lug along, it made be a bit uneasy how would they be able to do everything and whether they were going to create a mess, scuff the house, etc....In the end, my anxiety was unfounded and everything when fine.
But another minor thing annoyed me. One of the women, a single mom by choice, brought along her 20 month-old daughter. Now, she brings the daughter, let's call her Is, to a lot of events. (Well, I'm not really qualified to define what a lot is because our social paths don't cross that often, unless it's through our mutual friend, but the few times that she's come over to our house, she's always brought the kid along). The fact that she brought her over didn't bother me so much (although if it were me, I would've said in advance that I'd bring the child along, especially to something that wasn't necessarily a child-proofed event.)
What bugged me is that I've concluded that she doesn't seem to watch over Is the way she should. Not yesterday, not at previous events. Is, just like Ivan, is an active little girl who runs around, goes up to people, etc. Someone needs to keep an eye on her. And her mom, I've noticed, seems to be quite content to let others do so while she's at the party chatting away.
Now, I understand that maybe she needs a break. Maybe she doesn't want to get a babysitter or has no one else to leave the kid with. But if she already brings the child along, then she should watch her.
At least, that what I'd like to think I've been doing every time I take Ivan someplace. Someplace usually being another kids birthday party, where kids are expected to come.
Yesterday, there was stuff all over the floor. The technicians wanted to plug something in an outlet, but then as Is was running around both the technicians and myself thought "hm, maybe not the best idea because the girl may trip over it." Not really knowing how to approach her mom and say "can you keep an eye out on your kid," I said, "J. the technicians will plug this in, so we need to make sure that Is doesn't trip over it." I assumed her reply was going to be "yeah, I'll make sure she doesn't go there." However, her reply was "Oh, yeah, that's fine."
Not a big thing, but it really bugged me. Why does she assume that others will take watch over the child. The girl is her responsibility, it's her child, not others.
And also, the fact that she brings the girl everywhere, I can't decide whether I find this to be a bit rude or not. Several other women at the shower have kids who they chose not to bring (not yesterday, not at previous events I've hosted). Granted they also have husbands with whom they could leave the child. Maybe it's different for single moms. I don't know.
But she also doesn't even ask or say in advance that she'll come with the baby; she just brings her along as if this is assumed and expected.
Maybe it's some mommy ettiquette that I've missed out on yet or have not mastered, but I'm beginning to find it a bit rude (Maybe that's too harsh of a word. Let's just say "dis-courteous')
But another minor thing annoyed me. One of the women, a single mom by choice, brought along her 20 month-old daughter. Now, she brings the daughter, let's call her Is, to a lot of events. (Well, I'm not really qualified to define what a lot is because our social paths don't cross that often, unless it's through our mutual friend, but the few times that she's come over to our house, she's always brought the kid along). The fact that she brought her over didn't bother me so much (although if it were me, I would've said in advance that I'd bring the child along, especially to something that wasn't necessarily a child-proofed event.)
What bugged me is that I've concluded that she doesn't seem to watch over Is the way she should. Not yesterday, not at previous events. Is, just like Ivan, is an active little girl who runs around, goes up to people, etc. Someone needs to keep an eye on her. And her mom, I've noticed, seems to be quite content to let others do so while she's at the party chatting away.
Now, I understand that maybe she needs a break. Maybe she doesn't want to get a babysitter or has no one else to leave the kid with. But if she already brings the child along, then she should watch her.
At least, that what I'd like to think I've been doing every time I take Ivan someplace. Someplace usually being another kids birthday party, where kids are expected to come.
Yesterday, there was stuff all over the floor. The technicians wanted to plug something in an outlet, but then as Is was running around both the technicians and myself thought "hm, maybe not the best idea because the girl may trip over it." Not really knowing how to approach her mom and say "can you keep an eye out on your kid," I said, "J. the technicians will plug this in, so we need to make sure that Is doesn't trip over it." I assumed her reply was going to be "yeah, I'll make sure she doesn't go there." However, her reply was "Oh, yeah, that's fine."
Not a big thing, but it really bugged me. Why does she assume that others will take watch over the child. The girl is her responsibility, it's her child, not others.
And also, the fact that she brings the girl everywhere, I can't decide whether I find this to be a bit rude or not. Several other women at the shower have kids who they chose not to bring (not yesterday, not at previous events I've hosted). Granted they also have husbands with whom they could leave the child. Maybe it's different for single moms. I don't know.
But she also doesn't even ask or say in advance that she'll come with the baby; she just brings her along as if this is assumed and expected.
Maybe it's some mommy ettiquette that I've missed out on yet or have not mastered, but I'm beginning to find it a bit rude (Maybe that's too harsh of a word. Let's just say "dis-courteous')
First Bite
At the birthday party last weekend (not yesterday), Ivan bit me. He had bitten Andy and my dad before once but this was the first time he did it to me.
It happened near the end of the party, after too much cake and a missed nap.
I was holding him in my arms because he was cranky and we were getting ready to leave, when he got exuberantly happy and out of sheer love and excitement bit my shoulder. And then looked at me all full of smiles and joy.
I, of course, was surprised and shocked, and a bit in pain.
The bite left a mark on my shoulder for the rest of the day.
A few days later, when it was time to go to sleep but he absolutely refused to calm down, he almost did it again. It was way past his bed time and he was too busy runny around in his post-bath manner. I finally put him in his crib in hopes that he'd calm down. Instead he was giggling at me from his crib and we were both cracking up laughing. He was in such an exuberant move that had he been in my arms, not the crib, he would've bit me again.
It happened near the end of the party, after too much cake and a missed nap.
I was holding him in my arms because he was cranky and we were getting ready to leave, when he got exuberantly happy and out of sheer love and excitement bit my shoulder. And then looked at me all full of smiles and joy.
I, of course, was surprised and shocked, and a bit in pain.
The bite left a mark on my shoulder for the rest of the day.
A few days later, when it was time to go to sleep but he absolutely refused to calm down, he almost did it again. It was way past his bed time and he was too busy runny around in his post-bath manner. I finally put him in his crib in hopes that he'd calm down. Instead he was giggling at me from his crib and we were both cracking up laughing. He was in such an exuberant move that had he been in my arms, not the crib, he would've bit me again.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Playground ettiquete -- the odd mom out
Ivan's walking and nascent socializing attempts at public places such as the playground, libraries, etc...have brought about an unexpected set of dilemmas -- how to approach, handle and befriend other moms (really parents. The playground is no longer an exlusive mommy territory).
For example, Ivan always seems to be determined to be walking away from the playground items (such as swings, slides, etc) to expand his horizonts and explore new interesting territories. The new interesting territories usually being other people's strollers and random sippy cups laying around. Or even worse, just positioning himself infront of a group of kids or parents and starting at them.
These circumstances then require some level of interaction on my part with other adults. And that's where I've been getting a bit stumped and unsure of what the proper ettiquete is, and how much of this "watercooler-ie-playground" chat is appropriate. Does one engage other parents and if, yes, how much chatting is appropriate, especially if one doesn't feel extrovertedly inclined on that occasion? Then there is the issue that even if you want to engage and talk to the other adult, you really can't -- because you have to keep an eye out on the baby and his random wanderings.
Or at what point does one stop the child (ie me stopping Ivan) from approaching and looking at other people's strollers. Obviously, if I try to derail his determined approach toward his goal (the stroller), he'll start screaming, crying and throwing a tantrum. Then again, I obviously don't want to let him touch other people's stuff -- although I assume they would understand my predicament, after all they're also at the playground with their kids, I don't want to test those waters. What if the stroller belongs to a psycho mom who tries to accuse us of touching, trying to steal, or god knows what else (OK, maybe I'm exeggarating a bit here, but still).
And then there is the stare, when Ivan approaches someone and firmly plants himself infront of them. What do I do? Just stand there egging him on to say hi? Start chatting with the other adult? Wait to see whether the adult will engage Ivan? Pull Ivan away (and risk crying)? I'm not sure.
Maybe I feel awkward about these situations and have all these questions because I'm naturally not a baby person. Even now with Ivan, it does not come naturally to me to talk to, play or interact with other kiddies, especially those older than Ivan. (In other words, I've mastered the social skills of interacting with up-to-15-month olds, but that's as far as my abilities go for now).
And a few months ago, a little girl pulled off a similar thing and I wasn't sure how to act:
Ivan and I were on the swings at an adjacent playground, when a little girl, who was a bit older than Ivan, at least a year older, came up to us and just stood there, staring, hovering, wanting to be. I wasn't sure what to do. Ivan couldn't walk at that time so he couldn't approach her. (He was quite interested in looking at her, though.) And the girl just stood there, following us around. She was with her dad, who was right behind her. So I felt obliged to talk to him. But talk about what (beyond the playground version of the weather chat, "how old's your baby," "what's his name,"...)? I was at a loss. I felt forced and I didn't feel like putting effort into it. But would it have been rude to just ignore them or walk away?
Eventually, I picked up Ivan from the swing and we went to check out the slide on the other side of the playground equipment.
It's even worse when Ivan approaches a group of kids or adults who obvioulsy know each other and have come to the playground together. Then I feel like the odd girl (mom, I should say) out, trying to break into the popular crowd.
I got this dinstinct feeling (of being the odd mom out) when I took Ivan to the story hour at the library back in April when I was on vacation. I had been looking forward to the story hour. I wanted to see what it was all about and wanted to see if Ivan would have fun.
We arrived a bit late so we had to sit in the back of the room, which was packed with moms and kids (not all were moms, many were nannies, but in most cases it was quite obvious who's a nanny and who's a mom). We sat in the back. Ivan was at first confused, sat comfortably in my lap and looked around. He wasn't really into playing little songs and games that the librarian was doing, but he was engaged by just looking around and taking everything in.
Then he got brave and started walking....straight to the back of the room to a couple of strollers that had sippy cups in them. I kept pulling him off the strollers to bring him to the center of the room, but to no avail. He was magnetically attracted to the strollers. It was a bit embarrasing. Oh well.
Then eventually he decided that he'll go and mingle with kids (the librarian was handing out some sort of props for an upcoming song). Ivan got a prop, which then another kid promply took away and then another kid gave him another prop. At this point, Ivan got so fearless that he just started walking into the through the crowd and into the people -- looking/starting at other moms, just kind of hovering there. Again, struck up some half clumsily conversations.
Then the hour ended. We lingered around a bit. There was a whole slew of moms talking to the librarian. It was obvious they all knew each other and come regularly to the story hour. I lingered around to see whether I would find a good opening to go and talk to them. But it didn't happen. Ivan got cranky so we left.
But the whole experience made me feel like back in high school. A new girl in a new high school trying to scope out the situation and trying to figure out what and where the clicks are and see whom she could befriend. Considering that I hated high school and had the worst time adapting to new schools and making friends, this is not a time in my life I willingly return to. Neither do I like being reduced to experiencing those feelings - of oddness, being left out...
I haven't felt like that since college (most of the time). So I don't know why I felt like this at the library and why I feel like it around other moms. It's the feeling of feeling not good enough and inferior to these people (that's how I felt in high school, at least). And I can't figure out why -- it's not that they're necessarily better of than me. I guess I feel reduced to feeling like a new foreign "weird" girl from a weird communist country who just landed to america and her appearance, clothes, etc aren't good enough because she hasn't figure out yet what's popular and what's in and, more importantly, how to break in with the popular crowd (which she soon discovered she wouldn't want to be a part of anyway, because they all seem dumb, but still she wanted to belong)
For example, Ivan always seems to be determined to be walking away from the playground items (such as swings, slides, etc) to expand his horizonts and explore new interesting territories. The new interesting territories usually being other people's strollers and random sippy cups laying around. Or even worse, just positioning himself infront of a group of kids or parents and starting at them.
These circumstances then require some level of interaction on my part with other adults. And that's where I've been getting a bit stumped and unsure of what the proper ettiquete is, and how much of this "watercooler-ie-playground" chat is appropriate. Does one engage other parents and if, yes, how much chatting is appropriate, especially if one doesn't feel extrovertedly inclined on that occasion? Then there is the issue that even if you want to engage and talk to the other adult, you really can't -- because you have to keep an eye out on the baby and his random wanderings.
Or at what point does one stop the child (ie me stopping Ivan) from approaching and looking at other people's strollers. Obviously, if I try to derail his determined approach toward his goal (the stroller), he'll start screaming, crying and throwing a tantrum. Then again, I obviously don't want to let him touch other people's stuff -- although I assume they would understand my predicament, after all they're also at the playground with their kids, I don't want to test those waters. What if the stroller belongs to a psycho mom who tries to accuse us of touching, trying to steal, or god knows what else (OK, maybe I'm exeggarating a bit here, but still).
And then there is the stare, when Ivan approaches someone and firmly plants himself infront of them. What do I do? Just stand there egging him on to say hi? Start chatting with the other adult? Wait to see whether the adult will engage Ivan? Pull Ivan away (and risk crying)? I'm not sure.
Maybe I feel awkward about these situations and have all these questions because I'm naturally not a baby person. Even now with Ivan, it does not come naturally to me to talk to, play or interact with other kiddies, especially those older than Ivan. (In other words, I've mastered the social skills of interacting with up-to-15-month olds, but that's as far as my abilities go for now).
And a few months ago, a little girl pulled off a similar thing and I wasn't sure how to act:
Ivan and I were on the swings at an adjacent playground, when a little girl, who was a bit older than Ivan, at least a year older, came up to us and just stood there, staring, hovering, wanting to be. I wasn't sure what to do. Ivan couldn't walk at that time so he couldn't approach her. (He was quite interested in looking at her, though.) And the girl just stood there, following us around. She was with her dad, who was right behind her. So I felt obliged to talk to him. But talk about what (beyond the playground version of the weather chat, "how old's your baby," "what's his name,"...)? I was at a loss. I felt forced and I didn't feel like putting effort into it. But would it have been rude to just ignore them or walk away?
Eventually, I picked up Ivan from the swing and we went to check out the slide on the other side of the playground equipment.
It's even worse when Ivan approaches a group of kids or adults who obvioulsy know each other and have come to the playground together. Then I feel like the odd girl (mom, I should say) out, trying to break into the popular crowd.
I got this dinstinct feeling (of being the odd mom out) when I took Ivan to the story hour at the library back in April when I was on vacation. I had been looking forward to the story hour. I wanted to see what it was all about and wanted to see if Ivan would have fun.
We arrived a bit late so we had to sit in the back of the room, which was packed with moms and kids (not all were moms, many were nannies, but in most cases it was quite obvious who's a nanny and who's a mom). We sat in the back. Ivan was at first confused, sat comfortably in my lap and looked around. He wasn't really into playing little songs and games that the librarian was doing, but he was engaged by just looking around and taking everything in.
Then he got brave and started walking....straight to the back of the room to a couple of strollers that had sippy cups in them. I kept pulling him off the strollers to bring him to the center of the room, but to no avail. He was magnetically attracted to the strollers. It was a bit embarrasing. Oh well.
Then eventually he decided that he'll go and mingle with kids (the librarian was handing out some sort of props for an upcoming song). Ivan got a prop, which then another kid promply took away and then another kid gave him another prop. At this point, Ivan got so fearless that he just started walking into the through the crowd and into the people -- looking/starting at other moms, just kind of hovering there. Again, struck up some half clumsily conversations.
Then the hour ended. We lingered around a bit. There was a whole slew of moms talking to the librarian. It was obvious they all knew each other and come regularly to the story hour. I lingered around to see whether I would find a good opening to go and talk to them. But it didn't happen. Ivan got cranky so we left.
But the whole experience made me feel like back in high school. A new girl in a new high school trying to scope out the situation and trying to figure out what and where the clicks are and see whom she could befriend. Considering that I hated high school and had the worst time adapting to new schools and making friends, this is not a time in my life I willingly return to. Neither do I like being reduced to experiencing those feelings - of oddness, being left out...
I haven't felt like that since college (most of the time). So I don't know why I felt like this at the library and why I feel like it around other moms. It's the feeling of feeling not good enough and inferior to these people (that's how I felt in high school, at least). And I can't figure out why -- it's not that they're necessarily better of than me. I guess I feel reduced to feeling like a new foreign "weird" girl from a weird communist country who just landed to america and her appearance, clothes, etc aren't good enough because she hasn't figure out yet what's popular and what's in and, more importantly, how to break in with the popular crowd (which she soon discovered she wouldn't want to be a part of anyway, because they all seem dumb, but still she wanted to belong)
Sunday, June 1, 2008
On the beach
Last Monday, Memorial Day, we went to the beach. Sandy Point, a beach right before Bay Bridge. We didn't know what to expect and our expectations weren't high, but we were quited pleased with the whole trip.
It was Ivan's first time on the beach, on the sand, in the water. He had fun. I had slathered a bunch of sunscreen on him to make sure my translucently pale child doesn't get burned. He didn't get burned. He protested about wearing his hat, of course, but he had to do so anyway.
Of course I forgot to put sunscreen on me, so my back got burned. (Sunscreen, I've since learned, bothers him when it gets into his eyes...he starts rubbing his eyes and crying and the whole areas turns red)
Andy and Ivan played in the sand on the edge of the water. We brought a bucket and a shovel. They had fun. Then they walked around some on the beach. Then Ivan got hungry and ate yogurt. That was all I had brought. I was under the impression that Sandy Point would be a bit like Ocean City, ie a boardwalk with food stalls. I didn't realize it was a national park with no food facilities, but lots of barbeque points. But good to know for the future. Overall, it was a very nice park, with lots of grassy areas (good to note, for the future, when Ivan will be ready to play ball). And it was just far enough of a drive for a day trip. Unless we would stay overnight, there is no point in driving all the way to the ocean (Ocean City, Assategue, what ever) because it's too far of a drive for one day for Ivan to sit in the car, and also, I wouldn't want to stay out in the sun all day long. I myself don't find it that pleasant, and Ivan is definitely not build to stay in the sun all day long (at least not this year. he's too new and his skin is too pale).
After about 2 hours on the beach, we left. The idea was to find a restaurant nearby to have lunch. But there were none around. The park guards suggested we go to Annapolis, which we nixed because we thought Annapolis would be too crowded. Instead we drove back home and went to Mi Ranchos. This worked out just fine, because Ivan fell asleep in the car even before we left the park grounds and woke up an hour later as we were pulling into Silver Spring.
Mi Ranchos was fun. I ordered a platter of different foods (ie enchillada, tacos, etc) instead of my usual quesadillas. The idea was to share it with Mr. Meh. It was a smart idea. He ate half of my food. Just as for Papi's birthday when he devoured inordinate amount of rice, sweet potato, bread, cheese, tomato bits, etc... he ate half of my plate. He had half a pork tamale, guacamole, chicken enchilada, cheese enchilada, rice, and beans....I thought he was going to burst at the seams but he didn't (it all got pooped out over the next few days).
Then he got restless in his highchair and wanted to walk around. We let him as the patio we were sitting in was half empty. He kept walking over to other tables looking at people. He was particularly intrigued by a table of some 6-8 young guys, in their early 20s. From his chair, he kept looking at them, observing them. Then we released him from the chair, he made a beeline for their table, trying to get in on the conversation. Of course, they mostly ignored him or looked at him in confusion as in why is this baby here. Andy and I thought it was hilarious -- Ivan's trying to mingle with the boys.
Then we went home.
All in all the day, our trip, turned out great!
(I liked the relative spur of the moment and spontenaity with which we took the trip. Lately it seems that we spend too much time talking about what we want to do, instead of actually doing things. So I was very happy when we decided on this trip, which I would rate as a big success. Now we just need to do more trips of the sort)
It was Ivan's first time on the beach, on the sand, in the water. He had fun. I had slathered a bunch of sunscreen on him to make sure my translucently pale child doesn't get burned. He didn't get burned. He protested about wearing his hat, of course, but he had to do so anyway.
Of course I forgot to put sunscreen on me, so my back got burned. (Sunscreen, I've since learned, bothers him when it gets into his eyes...he starts rubbing his eyes and crying and the whole areas turns red)
Andy and Ivan played in the sand on the edge of the water. We brought a bucket and a shovel. They had fun. Then they walked around some on the beach. Then Ivan got hungry and ate yogurt. That was all I had brought. I was under the impression that Sandy Point would be a bit like Ocean City, ie a boardwalk with food stalls. I didn't realize it was a national park with no food facilities, but lots of barbeque points. But good to know for the future. Overall, it was a very nice park, with lots of grassy areas (good to note, for the future, when Ivan will be ready to play ball). And it was just far enough of a drive for a day trip. Unless we would stay overnight, there is no point in driving all the way to the ocean (Ocean City, Assategue, what ever) because it's too far of a drive for one day for Ivan to sit in the car, and also, I wouldn't want to stay out in the sun all day long. I myself don't find it that pleasant, and Ivan is definitely not build to stay in the sun all day long (at least not this year. he's too new and his skin is too pale).
After about 2 hours on the beach, we left. The idea was to find a restaurant nearby to have lunch. But there were none around. The park guards suggested we go to Annapolis, which we nixed because we thought Annapolis would be too crowded. Instead we drove back home and went to Mi Ranchos. This worked out just fine, because Ivan fell asleep in the car even before we left the park grounds and woke up an hour later as we were pulling into Silver Spring.
Mi Ranchos was fun. I ordered a platter of different foods (ie enchillada, tacos, etc) instead of my usual quesadillas. The idea was to share it with Mr. Meh. It was a smart idea. He ate half of my food. Just as for Papi's birthday when he devoured inordinate amount of rice, sweet potato, bread, cheese, tomato bits, etc... he ate half of my plate. He had half a pork tamale, guacamole, chicken enchilada, cheese enchilada, rice, and beans....I thought he was going to burst at the seams but he didn't (it all got pooped out over the next few days).
Then he got restless in his highchair and wanted to walk around. We let him as the patio we were sitting in was half empty. He kept walking over to other tables looking at people. He was particularly intrigued by a table of some 6-8 young guys, in their early 20s. From his chair, he kept looking at them, observing them. Then we released him from the chair, he made a beeline for their table, trying to get in on the conversation. Of course, they mostly ignored him or looked at him in confusion as in why is this baby here. Andy and I thought it was hilarious -- Ivan's trying to mingle with the boys.
Then we went home.
All in all the day, our trip, turned out great!
(I liked the relative spur of the moment and spontenaity with which we took the trip. Lately it seems that we spend too much time talking about what we want to do, instead of actually doing things. So I was very happy when we decided on this trip, which I would rate as a big success. Now we just need to do more trips of the sort)
The Party Circuit
Ivan and I have entered the 1st birthday party circuit. Three parties in three weekend, the fourth one is scheduled for next Saturday. But alas, Andy will have to take him to that one as I will be hosting a wedding shower here. (Luckily for Andy, it's his friends' daugther's birthday so we won't feel like a fish out of water.)
I must say I've been quite impressed by Ivan's handle on this party situations. He's definitely not shy. Instead, we arrive, I put him on the ground and off he goes....mingling with people (really barging his way in to check out the action, regardless whether it's groups of kids or adults, or older kids), going after toys (balls and baloons are apparently big hits), exploring the grounds. For all practical purposes, I don't even have to be there. He doesn't seem to miss me or look for me. If he gets cranky, I need to give him his bottle of "mloh," and off he returns into the crowd and action. (Now, this hanging on to the bottle of mloh, which I assume has become a bit of a security blanket, is perhaps something to be concerned about.
With this parties, Ivan's social life is more happening than mine has been in a while.
But wait, this has become my social life -- attending babies' birthday parties. It's fun.
I enjoy watching Ivan socialize and learn to mingle. I hope he keeps his fearless and secure ways with him throughout childhood and life. I don't know whether his current interactions with others (kids and adults) is indicative of his age (do all 15 month olds behave like that) or his personality (is he going to be an assured, social and likeable kid).
At Sam's birthday party, back in December when he was 10 months old, Ivan was kind of lost among all the kids. It was really the first time he was around so many kids. Most were a few months older, meaning they could walk and he was still doing the army crawl, and kept running everywhere. He seemed lost and concerned. I guess he had never had people/kids in his way, encroaching on his space. He kids of stood a side looking around playing with toys on the outskirts of all running action. (And then he went to Lisa's bookcases and took all the books of the shelves). At one point Sam approaching him, they looked at each other, Sam pulled Ivan's pacifier out of his mouth, looked at it and put it in his mouth, without skipping a beat. Ivan wasn't sure what to make of it. (But then one month later, at Kris's house, Ivan came up to Sam to pull up to him, but ended up pulling on him too hard, so Sam fell and sat down and started crying). Both interactions were quite humorous.
A few weeks later at Sammy's 3rd birthday party, I really ended up carrying him around most of the time (or their Au-pair took him and walked him around, which make me ponder what proper au-pair ettiquete is, but that's a different story). He was still too little and there were too many older kids running around. But then in late January at Sophie's birthday party (Sammy's sister), Ivan was trying to play with Sophie (although she was only two weeks older, she was already walking while he was still just standing). He also tried engaging with older boys (3 year olds) who were hovering over a big wooden train set. Ivan was trying to pull apart the tracks. Other boys were getting annoyed at him because he was ruining the tracks. But Andy was there with him, so he mediated the situation. If I recall correctly, I don't think Ivan tried that hard to play with other boys, he was more interested in the toys. (Unlike now, when he's all eyes for other kids, especially slightly older kids.)
Then at his birthday party (to which he made a late appearance as he went down for a nap at noon, and didn't wake up until after 2 p.m., although the party started at 1 p.m.), he was being carried around too much by various relatives that I don't think he really played with others. My memory is hazy since I was too busy running around being a hostess. But, most of babies weren't mobile yet, including Ivan, which really limits any potential interaction.
Well, that's all changed now. I guess the change really happened when Ivan started walking about two months ago, at 14 months. Now, he's unstoppable. I don't know the exact date when he started walking since it happened so gradually, but it was definitely over his 14th month.
Three weeks ago at Ramon's party (after a painfully long 2-hour car ride during which Ivan and Emir took turns crying), as I put Ivan on the floor he took off. The party was in a huge walkout basement, full of balls and baloons and other kids running around. Ivan saw the balls and took off. I was in disbelief how sure of himself he was. For the next few hours, he didn't look for me, not once. He was too busy playing and exploring, going up to kids, big and small, butting into groups of people, etc... (except for about 20 minutes at around 3 pm, which is his naptime time, exactly during the time I was trying to eat).
Last weekend's party (Leila's) and today's party (Mila's) were the same. Ivan just took off to play......
My little social butterfly.
I must say I've been quite impressed by Ivan's handle on this party situations. He's definitely not shy. Instead, we arrive, I put him on the ground and off he goes....mingling with people (really barging his way in to check out the action, regardless whether it's groups of kids or adults, or older kids), going after toys (balls and baloons are apparently big hits), exploring the grounds. For all practical purposes, I don't even have to be there. He doesn't seem to miss me or look for me. If he gets cranky, I need to give him his bottle of "mloh," and off he returns into the crowd and action. (Now, this hanging on to the bottle of mloh, which I assume has become a bit of a security blanket, is perhaps something to be concerned about.
With this parties, Ivan's social life is more happening than mine has been in a while.
But wait, this has become my social life -- attending babies' birthday parties. It's fun.
I enjoy watching Ivan socialize and learn to mingle. I hope he keeps his fearless and secure ways with him throughout childhood and life. I don't know whether his current interactions with others (kids and adults) is indicative of his age (do all 15 month olds behave like that) or his personality (is he going to be an assured, social and likeable kid).
At Sam's birthday party, back in December when he was 10 months old, Ivan was kind of lost among all the kids. It was really the first time he was around so many kids. Most were a few months older, meaning they could walk and he was still doing the army crawl, and kept running everywhere. He seemed lost and concerned. I guess he had never had people/kids in his way, encroaching on his space. He kids of stood a side looking around playing with toys on the outskirts of all running action. (And then he went to Lisa's bookcases and took all the books of the shelves). At one point Sam approaching him, they looked at each other, Sam pulled Ivan's pacifier out of his mouth, looked at it and put it in his mouth, without skipping a beat. Ivan wasn't sure what to make of it. (But then one month later, at Kris's house, Ivan came up to Sam to pull up to him, but ended up pulling on him too hard, so Sam fell and sat down and started crying). Both interactions were quite humorous.
A few weeks later at Sammy's 3rd birthday party, I really ended up carrying him around most of the time (or their Au-pair took him and walked him around, which make me ponder what proper au-pair ettiquete is, but that's a different story). He was still too little and there were too many older kids running around. But then in late January at Sophie's birthday party (Sammy's sister), Ivan was trying to play with Sophie (although she was only two weeks older, she was already walking while he was still just standing). He also tried engaging with older boys (3 year olds) who were hovering over a big wooden train set. Ivan was trying to pull apart the tracks. Other boys were getting annoyed at him because he was ruining the tracks. But Andy was there with him, so he mediated the situation. If I recall correctly, I don't think Ivan tried that hard to play with other boys, he was more interested in the toys. (Unlike now, when he's all eyes for other kids, especially slightly older kids.)
Then at his birthday party (to which he made a late appearance as he went down for a nap at noon, and didn't wake up until after 2 p.m., although the party started at 1 p.m.), he was being carried around too much by various relatives that I don't think he really played with others. My memory is hazy since I was too busy running around being a hostess. But, most of babies weren't mobile yet, including Ivan, which really limits any potential interaction.
Well, that's all changed now. I guess the change really happened when Ivan started walking about two months ago, at 14 months. Now, he's unstoppable. I don't know the exact date when he started walking since it happened so gradually, but it was definitely over his 14th month.
Three weeks ago at Ramon's party (after a painfully long 2-hour car ride during which Ivan and Emir took turns crying), as I put Ivan on the floor he took off. The party was in a huge walkout basement, full of balls and baloons and other kids running around. Ivan saw the balls and took off. I was in disbelief how sure of himself he was. For the next few hours, he didn't look for me, not once. He was too busy playing and exploring, going up to kids, big and small, butting into groups of people, etc... (except for about 20 minutes at around 3 pm, which is his naptime time, exactly during the time I was trying to eat).
Last weekend's party (Leila's) and today's party (Mila's) were the same. Ivan just took off to play......
My little social butterfly.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
Posts
