Playdate with Sashi

As Ivan became more verbal over the summer and moved away from the toddler “parallel” play to actual social play with other kids , he started talking about other kids at daycare.
He mentions Sashi, Creighton (both of whom are always trying to “get him,” what ever that means. I think it’s catch him or it’s some sort of three year-old game they play), Isabella Creuse, Emma, Margaret, Erica, etc. But most often he talks about Sashi.

For the last few weeks, we talked about inviting Sashi over for a playdate. We talked about it on several occasions and it took me much longer to invite them over due to extenuating circumstances, such as not being able to invite people to come over in July during the heat-wav e month with our broken air conditioner. And every time Ivan got really excited.

“Sashi will come over to my house?” he’d ask.

“Sashi will come over and see all this,” he said, extending his arms in a sweeping motion toward the living room , he said at another occasion.

Sashi and his mom came over yesterday. It was a rainy, drizzly, ugly day.

Ivan was so excited. Sashi was shy, and was glued to his mom. He kept saying that he wanted to go home.

And Ivan tried to pull out all the stops for him. He wasn’t shy, or bossy, or correcting him (to play correctly with toys), but was all exuberant , hyper, happy, etc. I had never seen him act like that when another kid was over. (For example, Leila and Yulia came over on Friday, and while he played with Leila, he trying to correct her how to properly play with toys. )

And Sashi couldn’t have cared less. We tried putting together train tracks, but Sashi balked.

“Mama, Sashi’s not playing with me,” Ivan came over to inform me. We tried this, we tried that. I finally brought out the bowling pins. They both liked that and took turns. Then they danced a bit. Then I suggested that Ivan shows Sashi his big trucks out on the porch.

In the end they played a bit, but it was really a lukewarm, mom-facilitated, almost contrived playdate. The two times when Isabella K. came over to play, Ivan and she immediately started playing. There was no warm up time. I expected the same with Sashi.

We went to Sashi’s birthday party two months ago, and while Ivan took a little bit of time to warm up—mainly because we arrived later, post-nap time, when the party was already in full swing and all the kids were there—we were the last ones to leave. He wouldn’t leave, but wanted to play, and play with Sashi.

I don’t know whether Ivan cared, or how much he noticed that Sashi didn’t care to play with him as much yesterday. But I was devastated. Since Ivan talks so often about him, and since they played nicely at Sashi’s house, I assumed this would be an awesome playdate and that they’re friends. Maybe not.

Sashi’s mom mentioned that the day before he went with Creighton and his parents to see a play. And on another occasion, I recall Andy saying that Sashi was going over to Creighton’s house to play after daycare. At their classroom table, Ivan sits in between Sashi and Creighton. They both turned four this summer, while Ivan is barely three and a half.

So now I’m thinking that maybe Ivan isn’t really friends with them, or more precisely that they’re not friends with him—but that he’s impressed with them, because they’re big boys, and that he wants to be friends with them.

Who knows. Asking him hasn’t really yielded a clear answer. Whenever we ask Ivan who his friend is and with whom me plays at daycare, we really don’t get an answer. Ms. Rosa says he plays with everybody, and leaves it at that. Last week, Andy asked Ms. Norma, who said that Ivan plays with girls a lot—which I can see because he’s not really the rough and tumble kind of kid—and with Dylan. I remember noticing at Sashi’s birthday party that Ivan and Dylan sat together to eat their cake and were making some funny faced and cracking jokes (something about some bug on the window), but oddly enough I don’t ever recall Ivan mentioning Dylan.
I just don’t want Ivan to be wanting to be friends with Sashi and Creighton, but that the two of them don’t care. Maybe I’m just projecting my insecurities into this. Maybe boys don’t think like this. Maybe three year-old boys don’t think like this. Or maybe Ivan doesn’t nor will ever think like this.

It’s just that both Andy and I would like him to have a friend, a little playmate. We will try to have another playdate with Sashi. I will also invite Dylan over and see what happens. Although, does it even matter now, since he will more than likely be leaving this daycare for MD’s preschool in two weeks (and this is an entire another issue for me) and will never see these boys again.

None of the kids we know outside of daycare really have the same personality as Ivan. He plays with Bella, Leila and all other girls, but none of one of them really meshes with him. There’s Seger, but the two of them are planets apart. I don’t think they’ve ever played together on the playground, they’re so different. For a while, Ethan and Ivan seemed to be getting along, but Ethan is even more whiney and shy than Ivan. Mateo and Robbie seemed to have personalities similar to Ivan, but Mateo has moved away and we never see Robbie. Ivan and Ramon played nicely and hit it off right away last time Lisa and Ramon came over, but Ramon is too hyper and extroverted for him. Of all the boys I can think, he played best with Sam, but since we rarely see them, trying to engineer those playdates would be a stretch.

At soccer this past spring, there were two little boys who were inseparable. One of their dads said they were best friends and did everything together. Both Andy and I separately noted that we’d like Ivan to have a little buddy like that. But I guess it has to come naturally. It can’t be forced. And, who knows, Ivan may just not care. He does seem to have a pretty willful and independent streak. And, of course, he now has Allen.