Daycare vs. Preschool

The clock’s ticking, it’s down to the wire, the MD pre-school bill’s due on Friday, and I’m still dragging my feet whether to keep Ivan in daycare or transfer him to Maryland. Andy’s made up his mind. It’s Maryland, for him. I have not, although we started the ball rolling for MD back in March and have completed all the paperwork, paid all fees, etc….and have basically enrolled him.
I’m the obstacle. Every time I think about it, I get paralyzed. I can’t make a decision. I get this gut wrenching feeling in my stomach.

It feels like I’m breaking up with someone, with daycare in this case. I don’t know why I’m so hung up on it. And this really shouldn’t be about me, but about Ivan. And I’m trying to decide what I think is best for him, and in the process, I think I have started projecting my issues onto this.

I’m sad that we’ll leave our daycare. I’m sad that Ivan will leave all the teachers behind—that he won’t get to see them and that they won’t get to see him anymore.

I’m sad that he’ll never see any of the daycare kids again. I’m sad, but would he be? Would he care? How attached is he to them? I know he plays with them and mentioned them at home, but how close is he to them? Will he remember them, will he care? Long-term, he probably won’t, although he seems to have a good memory. Short-term, will he be concerned what happened to them, why he’ll never see them again, and what if we stay in touch with a few kids, like Isabella K, or maybe Sashi or Dylan, will he wonder why he’s not in the same daycare as them?

I have a few pre-school memories. I still recall a few preschool friends (a girl named Anamarija was my best friend and I never saw her again once I started elementary school and Maja, who I’m still in touch with) and the things we did (Anamarija and I loved to dance to Abba). But I was between 3 and 6, not three and a half. Eventually, they’d all go their respective ways once pre-K starts, but that would be in two years, not now.

I’m probably overthinking this.

Then what if he loses himself in this new pre-school, in the sea of 18 kids? His current daycare class totals some 10 kids, and the entire place has, if, 30 kids. The new place has four classrooms of 18 kids. He seems to thrive better in small groups and one-on-one than is big group settings. What is the transition is too hard? What if he doesn’t like it? What if the teachers don’t like him?
Maybe that’s what it is, what if he gets rejected? He’s sensitive; he’s not a “go-getter” kid like Bella or Seger.

Again, maybe I’m projecting myself, my sensitivities, my experiences into this.

And then we need to tell the daycare that he’s leaving. Andy gave Ms. Rosa a heads up a few weeks ago about him leaving, while I told Ms. Claudette back in spring that Ivan will start full time in September. And now we’re leaving. I can’t talk to them. Andy will have to. I don’t want to tell them that we’re leaving. I feel like we’ll abandon them, and that they’ll never get the four year-old classroom off the ground. I know this shouldn’t be my concern, but it is.

So in the end, why are we moving him to Maryland: because that was the plan from the get-go, from way before he started going to daycare; because the place has a great reputation and is supposed to be a great facility; because it has to be now, or not at all, he couldn’t start next year; because it will be much more convenient for Andy (until the following winter when Allen will go to daycare, and when for one year, Andy will have to be shuttling both kids to two separate locations, unless I get a car and take care of Allen).