'You're not my friend'

"Are you my friend, mama?" Ivan asked the other day.

"You're my friend."

"You're not my friend."

"Didi's not my friend."

ETC...

Lately, Ivan has become preoccupied with friendships--who's his friend and who isn't.

The first time he asked me that, it melted my heart.

"Mama is your best friend and is always your friend," I answered.

Lately, everything revolves around friendships.

Ivan friends and un-friends people, including those he doesn't know---like random people in stores who try to be nice and talk to him, but to whom he reciprocates with a scowl--all the time.

How Facebook of him.

As three year-olds get more verbal and social and move from toddler parallel play toward social play, concepts of friendships begin to play a bigger role.

Screaming "YOU'RE NOT MY FRIEND," appears to be the biggest dis in the three year-old's world.

I guess in daycare--or any group setting like that--teachers probably emphasize the concept of friendship, saying that everyone is everyone's friend.

I find this so American, where the word friend is used so loosely and can indicate anything from a loose superficial acquaitance-ship between people to actual deep friendships.

The term "all your friends at daycare" gets used often by teachers and others, conditioning kids into thinking that everyone is their friend, even in those instances when they don't really associate or interact with another child. Not that I would know with whom Ivan interacts or doesn't at daycare. For some reason, it's hard to get an answer from him and, when asked, Ms. Rosa and Norma, say he plays with everyone, without singling out individual children with whom he plays and who could be his actual friends.