Mad at Ivan for Him Being Himself

This morning we went for our usual Sunday morning playground tour. It was too hot outside and we were a bit late getting there. There was no one else on the playground. None of the other playgroup moms, no other people. Just Ivan and I. We had the playground to ourselves.

He immediately went to play, as opposed to hanging out around his stroller for one hour whining "kuci" before warming up and deciding to go and join kids in play. After walking around the edge of the mulch, he climbed up the slides and wanted me to join him. I did. He insisted I sit in this one specific spot between him and the slide, which I couldn't do because there wasn't enough space. After a few minutes of going back and forth on this, and of me not understanding what he wanted from me, he melted into crying. Crying followed by "kuci, kuci." So we went home. It was too hot to be out anyway, and since no one else was there, there was no point in staying.

So I got mad at him for him being himself--for not being as physical, extroverted, loud and "forceful" as I see other kids his age to be, for not immediately rushing in to join a group of kids to play but for standing back, observing, taking it all in and then joining them when he's comfortable.

Yesterday we went to a birthday party. We came late. There were 5-6 other boys of whom he knew three from the playground. They were spashing in a kiddie pool. He didn't want to play with them. He sat on my lap the entire time. Then after some time, he got up and led me inside to the table where the food was laid out, to look for cake. He was actually circling the table looking for cake. (Because at birthdays that's what one does: I say, "we're going to a birthday party. He replies, "happy birthday, cake!") When the ice cream cake did come out, all kids had one piece and then proceeded to chase each other around the house to work off the sugar. Ivan wanted another piece, which he ate on the steps with me. Then he kind of got up to observe the kids more closely and participate "remotely." Eventually, he led me back outside, where there was no one left, but where he discovered the hose. His favorite. So he played with the hose for a while and actually showed Ethan how fun spraying water from the hose is. And then Seger showed up. So the three of them took turns playing with the hose. And then Ivan played with the hose with Gavin's, the birthday boy's, father. Then, it was time to leave.

On Friday, we went to daycare for a school picking. My mom came along. Granted, when we got there, it was around noon, and Ivan had just fallen asleep in the car. So he was groggy and sleepy and didn't want to play. He sat limp in my lap for a long time. Then he sat in my mom's lap. He observed the mayhem around him, but didn't join in. And these are the kids he sees all the time. They had rented a moonbounce, but he absolutely refused to go in. He did, however, eventually cheer up and went to interact with Ms. Yvonne. I was happy to see that he has a good rapport with her and that he willingly goes to her. She's also very good with him and with other kids.

So all these instances, along with the recent playground instances where he sits in the stroller for an hour and whines that he wants to go home instead of playing, got to me today. (On the playground, he does eventually warm up. But it take him an hour or two. At yesterday's birthday party, Beth and I were joking that Ethan and Ivan need to have a pre-party party, where they could warm up. Ethan has a similar quiet, gentle personality, like Ivan's. They "discovered" each other a few Sundays ago, when it was just the four us of on the playground. They ran off the playground and found sticks. Sticks, a bonding point. They acted like two little cavemen, running around with these branches, wielding them around, screaming and squeeling, like Bella and other girls do. They had so much fun. Both Beth and I were astonished. The following Sunday, they rediscovered the sticks. This time, even Seger joined in their little cavemen game. It was hysterical.)

And then after I got mad at Ivan, I felt awful for being mad at him, because he can't be any sweeter, cuter, more lovable and loving than he is, as well as cheerful, happy, engaged and playful, when he's in comfortable situations. Our little sunshine.

I should really do more one-on-one playdates, since he doesn't seem to be shy in such situations. It's just in bigger groups of kids.

But then as my mom reminded me today, I apparently used to even cry when I'd see new people, like when we'd have visitors or go to visit people, whereas Ivan is perfectly fine in such situations. (For example, when Donna and Ron came over to my parents' house for dinner last weekend. Ivan had seen Ron, once back in February/March. But apparently he remembered him. Both Ivan and Mariposa wanted to play with him. They were actually fighting over him. Poor Ron was on the floor tackled by both of them, who were laughing and barking on the top of their lungs, because they had so much fun playing).