The Almost Nanny Share

Back in late March, early April, I decided it was due time to start looking for an alternate part time daycare solution.

Several things conspired at once:
- Ivan started to get really social and interested in other kids, so we decided he’d benefit from being around kids
- It would be good to put him in daycare and set him up for when the second baby arrives
- It would give my dad some free time for himself
- I would not have to with my parents all the time, every day and endure various daily nagging minutia, most of which is not related to Ivan’s care

Just as I started thinking these thoughts, we came across a flier in the neighborhood. A family was looking to share their nanny. The family they had shared the nanny with had gotten a spot in a daycare of their chose. So the nanny was free.

I jumped at the opportunity and immediately called the family over that weekend. On Monday morning, I went to check out the situation – the family, the child, the nanny.

The location was perfect – right on my path to the metro (the idea was I would drop off Mr. Meh on the way to work. )

The whole scenario seemed to be ideal and easily attainable. Like the whole thing just perfectly fell into my lap.

The family was nice. They might have been a bit older than us, or not. But in any case they seemed very put together. In a nicely renovated house (the kitchen in their circa 1940s old cape cod, was 21st century updated – stainless steel appliances, marble countertops, new cabinets). Tidy and decorated. Not like our house, with good bones, but definitely decades of tear and fray that we have been too lazy and unable to afford to renovate. With nice furniture. It looked as if Pottery Barn had just finished a catalogue shoot in there. The woman, the mom, was nice. Very pleasant, very put together. Gave off a Bethesda, pseudo-waspy, all American vibe.

Their toddler daughter was the perfect shade of a blond, adorable poster girl for Pottery Barn Kids.

I was friendly and pleasant. I thought I looked good – was on my way to work. But still I felt a bit shabby compared to them. A bit inferior. As if we were just not their class. Don’t know whether the feeling was subjective or objective.

The woman said there was another family with two kids interested in the share. If they worked out , they’d take them over me since I was just interested in having Ivan share the nanny 2 days a week. She said she’d call back to let me know if a week or so. I never heard from her again.

The whole scenario seemed too perfect and easy and ultimately too good to be true. Of course, it didn't work out.

But now, I was on a mission. I checked out DC urban moms, a listserve for the local mom community. There was a topic: nanny issues….etc. Who knew it would be so easy. There were several families in the neighborhood looking to share their nanny. I was surprised there would be so much supply and demand. I contacted three numbers. Never heard back from one. The second one’s nanny worked 9-4, too late to start and too early to pick him up, and besides the family was in the neighborood behind us (i.e. further away from downtown), which meant they weren’t on my metro route, nor was their house walkable from ours. Scratch that option.

The third option sounded promising. Equally promising as the first family I visited. An 18 month-old boy. The house was on a slight detour to the metro. The nanny was from Togo. A francophone nanny. I liked that idea. Ivan getting his first French exposure. The start of him being trilingual. An opportunity for me to practice French. I even started practicing just preparing to go and meet the family and the nanny.

I got quite excited. This will work out, I thought. It will just be perfect. Well, it wasn’t and I partially sabotaged it.

What when wrong:
I got so enamored by the idea that the reality brought me down a bit. The mom was nice. My age. Looked like someone I could be friends with (and I’m always on a perennial friend lookout). The house was old and not really that well renovated. It looked a bit shabby and unkept. Actually a bit too unkept for my taste. The dining room was messy—papers everywhere. I guess it doubled as a office. Stuff on the table. The kitchen sink and counter had stuff everywhere (and my first rule of housekeeping is to keep the kitchen meticulously clean. It’s a bit of an obsession). The carpet needed a vacuuming. I actually started thinking, “can’t they vacuum the carpet. How often do they vacuum the carpet”. They had a cat so there was cat hair. Which was fine. Our house is full of dog hair. But I try to vacuum. (Do others think my house is that shabby and unkept?, I secretly wondered. My mom did notice that last time Rita and Sanjoy visited that they wouldn’t sit on the porch sofa (full of MP hair. We got used to it by now) And Rita kept brushing off Maya everything she’d fall down. Was it MP hair??)
Also, the boy was sick. He had snot coming out of his nose. Which is fine. But there was a huge bugger under his nose . “Can someone body wipe the bugger of the kid’s nose?” I was screaming to myself. It was really distracting.

The nanny seemed cheerful and nice in her 30s.

Despite my reservations about the house, I thought we’d give it a try. I liked the woman and the nanny, and thought I should keep my OCD in check and keep my standards low and not to judge others housekeeping style.

So the following day I brought Andy and Ivan to check out the situation. Ivan went straight to play with the boy, grabbing his toys. Reaching for a sippy cup on a side table. Grabbing the sippy cup, putting it in his mouth. (Of course, he came down with a cold a few days later.)

Andy liked the situation.

But I got red flags. I wasn’t clear on the story, but the nanny also had a toddler, who was back in Togo being cared for by her mother. Would this fact, that she had a child the same age, and the ache for that child make her a better nanny or a spiteful nanny (the ache for the child)? I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t figure out how to pry more information. With time, I thought.

Then there was the issue of money. They wanted $13 per hour. For a nanny share it seemed pricey. I chickened out a bit, knowing that we can’t afford that (literally don’t have that money) until we get raises or I land the ever-expecting promotion (still waiting) or a new job, at which time the extra cash I calculated I’d get per month, I would just fork over to the nanny.

So I stalled. Told the woman I’d get back to her in a day or two, but stretched it to a week. Then I explained the money issue. We decided that perhaps we should do it one day a week to start with for $11 per hour. She was going to check with the nanny if that was suitable.

But there was still the issue of what the nanny would do the remainder of the days. (This woman had the nanny for two days. I wanted to share those two days, which left the nanny needing to find a gig the other three days)

In the end it didn’t work out. The woman called saying the nanny found a full time job. Which is for the best.
I still haven't gotten a promotion/new job, which is really stifling our extra expenditure plans.
I got chicken feet because I didn’t want to let even be taken care of by someone else. I also decided that I’d rather put him in day care (the question now is family-based or institutional?) so he can interact with other kids . There is no part time option, but I could always just chose not to send him t daycare everyday. Price-wise it still comes out cheaper than a nanny share.

For now I stalled the process. I need to restart it again soon. I want to send Ivan to daycare in the fall. And I’m apparently already too late. There lists, waitlists and deposits. I should’ve put myself on one of the lists the second I thought about getting pregnant.

But I still have that woman’s phone number. In case I want to call her up for a playdate. I still think she’d be someone I’d like to befriend. Maybe I can call her to arrange a playdate in the near future (how suburban of me).