Ivan: Waiting for Allen's Arrival; Reacting to Allen

While we were waiting for Allen to be born, Ivan was at my parents' house. He went to stay with them on my due date, Dec 15. What we thought would be a day or two at the most, ended up being the entire week. It was strange and peaceful not to have him around. I think both Andy and I felt a bit surreal, as if we weren't really parents any more since he wasn't with us. We missed him terribly. We talked to my parents and him all the time on the phone, but it just wasn't the same.

He and my dad even came to "visit us" on Thursday for a couple of hours. It took him a few minutes to acclimate to the house and then he willingly went to Andy, but I initially got a cold shoulder. He was hungry so I made food. But when we went to the bathroom to wash hands, which is our standard pre-meal routine, he fought me. He wouldn't go with me and then wouldn't wash hands, and this is something we've been doing for months. I felt horrible. And then of course, my dad, who thinks he knows best and knows Ivan best, had to come and try to interfere. I don't know whether he does it on purpose or whether he's completely oblivious (I assume the latter) that such behavior and interference just hurts me even more. I had be warned by other moms to expect such rejection but I thought it would come after the baby is born not before.

Eventually, while he was eating his mac & cheese, he warmed up to me and things were as normal.

Actually, every time Ivan spends a few days at my parents' house, he comes back a little stranger. He changes so much in the few days that I don't see him, that it always feels like we need to reacquaint ourselves. But this time it felt so much drastic.

My parents, however, did say that in the morning he always asked for "mamma." He probably knew that something was off and about to happen: my stomach had been growing larger, he had been constantly warned about being gentle with mamma, etc... Also, during this stay, my parents tried to preserve his routine and were taking him to daycare. He must have found that odd, considering that the two--daycare and staying at my parents--have been always mutually exclusive in the past.

And during this week-long stay, he definitely changed. He seems to have gone through a growth spurt. He came back taller and stockier. The loose 3T shirts I bought in October are rather snug on him, while the 3T pants don't need to be rolled up as much any more. His fingers, hands and wrists also seem to be so sturdy, chubby and strong suddenly.

He's also talking much better: more fluently, using more complex sentence structure and, basically non-stop. One specific thing I noticed was that he learned to say "turn it off" instead of "off it". (I'm sorry that "off it" is gone; I liked that structure.)
I want to record him all the time.

He also came back very happy and cheerful and has continued to be so even now, several weeks later. He's like a little delicious bonbon. He's my Sugarlump Lollipops, a new name I invented for him a few weeks earlier. (I started calling him Sugarplum as per the 'Twas the Night Before Xmas book, which he misprounced Sugarlumps. A few days later, he added lollipops himself. So that sealed the name: Sugarlump Lollipops).

Ivan came back to the day I returned from the hospital, Dec 24. I was apprehensive how he would react to me and to the baby. But he was such a little joy. He was so glad to see me, and Andy and to be back home. He was also immediately interested in the baby. He wanted to see Allen, bring him Allen's Medic and try to get his attention.

For now at least, he seems to have taken a liking to Allen, which is good. He's interested in where's the baby, if the baby's crying, etc. He tries to play with him, etc.

A few weeks before Allen was born, Andy talked to Ivan about how Allen will have his own milk and won't drink Ivan's milk; that he'll have his own diapers not Ivan's, etc, that he'll have his own Medic, not Ivan's medic, etc. Somehow then, Ivan designated the blue teddy bear as Allen's Medic and now he constantly tries to bring him that teddy bear. It's cute.

However, he does need his mamma. He especially tries to sit in my lap when I'm nursing Allen. If it's feasible, I try to accommodate him on my lap.

I'm also trying to have alone time with him, and especially preserve our bedtime routine, where Andy gives him a bath and then I read him a book, tuck him to bed and fall asleep with him.

Then last Sunday morning, he declared that he wanted to wear underwear. It was a total attention-getter ploy, but since he expressed interest in underwear I thought I'd capitalize on the occasion. (This declaration, of course, happened while I was changing Allen who had just pooped in my hand and sprayed me with a surprise pee.) Potty-training lasted a day. Just like last fall, he'd peed and pooped through all pairs of underwear and pants within half a day, without bothering to tell us he had to go potty. We continued with potty training on Monday, but by they he reverted that he wants diapers. So the underwear ploy lasted a day. I'll give it another month or so, and potty train him in earnest.