Allen

Allen was born last tuesday at 11:46pm. His weight was 7 lbs 12 oz and height 21 inches.

As soon as he was born and Andy cut the cord, the nurse wiped the baby a bit and handed him to me. So I got to hold him as soon as he was born ( I didn't get to do that with Ivan as the NICU teamhad to examine him first because he was blue with the cord wrapped around his neck.)

Unlike Ivan, who immeadiately looked plump and mature, Allen looks like a little newborn. He's also very wrinkly and flaky like most newborns . Apparently, overdue babies are more flaky than those born on time or before. He is a very loud baby. He makes all these little noises and grunts both asleep and awake that are really endearing.

Those first few days I felt confused how to think about ivan and Allen. I immediately started comparing Allen to Ivan, which I realized wasn't right or fair . I kept looking at Allen, this new little stranger, wondering how I'll love him as much as Ivan. Then when I'd think about Allen , I felt guilty like I was betraying ivan because I wasn't thinking about him. And vice versa. But now a few days later all these thoughs seem silly. I have bonded with Allen and it's the most natural feeling to love them both.

Labor lasted some 6 plus hours, which was a fraction of time spent in labor with Ivan. Pushing lasted some 16 minutes and then Allen was born. I was completely coherent and present for the entire event. Both Andy and I were shocked how quickly everything unrolled.

At 10:45 I was some 6 cm dilated so, believing that we still had hours to birth, i tried to talk Andy into coming home to check on mariposa who had been home alone for some 12 hours. The nurse wisely suggested to wait until the doctor checks me again. At 11:10-15 the doctor said I was fully dilated and that it was time to push. I was surprised. With Ivan I felt a strong urge , a need, to push unlike this time. I guess the epidural was working better.

Ambivalent to the end, I acquiesced to be induced. I basically gave in. It was a voluntary induction and the nurses, resident doctor and attending doctor gave me time to decide how to proceed because as soon as we arrived to the hospital I was rather vocal about my ambivalence. But the proceeded with the admittance process, hooked me up to monitors to check mine and baby's vitals, did a sonogram to check the status of placenta and amniotic fluid etc. Then they said that the amount of fluid is borderline at 7.6 of some units, while 8-15 is healthy and below 5 is bad. So then they recommended to have the induction. The baby's heart rate also apparently dropped or fluttered at some point which got them concerned.
Andy was for the induction--saying it's controlled and there are fewer wild cards to deal with, considering the weather, season, etc and the fact that I'm a week overdue-- and eventually got upset with me saying that we shouldve not come to the hospital in the first place if I didn't want to proceed. He also thought I shouldve stood up for myself more if I felt so strongly. In retrospect had dr. Bowles assistant not called on Friday to confirm the induction, I probably wouldve backed out. But her phone call kind of startled me and considering that weekend's approaching snowstorm it was easy to say yes. It turns out, according to dr Bowles that she told the assistant that I may call to confirm or cancel not to have her call me. Who knows what the truth is. However, Ive more or less made my peace with the induction only because the entire process ended reasonably well . Had it ended in a c-section I'd feel very differently now. Also I am pretty sure i had started getting a few natural contractions before they hooked me up to pitocin so I'd like to think that labor was about to start anyway.
It's true that pitocin induced contractions are stronger and come on closer together than the natural ones. Also they strarted turning up the pitocin to mimic natural labor, which I wasn't thrilled with. At one point, the nurse said I wasn't responding to pitocin as well as other women so they had to turn it up.
I finally gave in to an epidural around 10pm because the pain was getting unbearable. Contractions were so strong, long and close together that I couldn't take it any more, especially since I feared that I had hours of labor ahead of me and since the nurse kept jacking up the pitocin saying that contractions aren't as strong eNough as they ought to be for me to continue dilating. Now in retrospect I wonder whether I couldve endured without the epidural had I known it was going to be over in another hour and a half.

A few days ago, I exchanged emails with angela. She was also late and delivered a day before I did, naturally with a midwife. I can't wait to talk to her to get more details. A part of me is a tad envious because she stood up for herself, switched to a midwife and got the birth she wanted. It makes me wonder should I have stuck it out longer and waited for labor to come naturally.