Ivan and Medic, Is It Over?

On Thursday morning, since I stayed home from work because I wasn't feeling well, I jumped at the chance to wash Medic. Over the last two years, Medic has become really dirty and started smelling like rancid milk, thanks to Ivan who spills milk on him. Washing Medic has been my mission for quite some time now, but I knew I needed a full day when Ivan wasn't around so that Medic could be washed and dried in time.

Medic reaked. While we thought he smelled foul, Ivan seemed oblivious to the smell. After all, he and Medic were inseparable.

So as soon, as Ivan and Andy left, I filled a little container with warm water and Woolite and gave Medic a gentle but a thorough bath. While I was washing him and cradling him, Medic felt alive. I kept thinking I was washing a live baby or a live stuffed friend, not a plush toy.

I squeezed out all the water and left him on the drying rack to dry. Unfortunately, since it's been raining the last few days, it was impossible to put him out to dry.

I hoped he'd be dry by the time Ivan returned from daycare. But he wasn't. I was afraid Ivan would freak out seeing Medic wet on the drying rack. I gently explained to him that Medic is "wet, mokar" and that he'll be dry soon, but that he'd have to go to bed without him for one night.

Ivan was unpertrubed. He easily accepted that Medic is wet and that he'll have to go to be without him.

Unfortunately, Medic was still wet on Friday and Saturday. Since I wasn't paying attention on Friday morning, Medic, who was almost dry, was placed on a wet towel while we were taking our morning showers. In a rush to get out the door, I left Medic on the towel instead of putting him back on the drying rack. By the time we returned from work, Medic's butt smelled like old, stinky, moldy towel. So I had to wash his butt again.

As a result, Ivan went to bed without Medic on Friday. He still accepted it calmly "menic wet, menic mokar" he explained to me.

On Saturday evening (parts of Medic were still clammy) I asked Ivan whether he wanted Medic. He said no. He wanted his panda bear instead. I was shocked. He's had the panda for a year now and has never really expressed interest in it. So I gave him the panda. It's a really cute panda---a big panda bear with a little panda attached to its back.

This morning as Ivan woke up, I asked him if he wanted Medic. "Pana" he whispered instead. So I gave him the panda bear. He told me that Medic is "mokar."

When I laid him down for a nap, I asked again, if he wanted Medic. "Pana" he said.

So I brought the panda, which he hugged and tucked into the sheets. (For some reason today, he absolutely refused to take a nap in his crib. Instead he tucked himself in in the bed in the spare bedroom. Since there are no curtains in that room, I didn't think he'd fall asleep, but he did.)

But I also brought Medic and laid him on the pillow next to Ivan. He didn't say "no" to me, but he really didn't care for Medic. He didn't care that Medic was there.

As I turned away from him, my eyes filled with tears. What have I done? He was so attached to Medic. How could it be that he no longer cares? That he stopped caring so easily?

In my attempt to clean Medic, have I managed to sever the bond between them? Maybe it's just Ivan growing up. Eventually, he'll outgrow Medic. I know that. But it seems like I did it for him.

People always say not to touch the young of wild animals because if the mother smells a human hand on them that she'll no longer take care of her young.

In a weird way, I feel like I've done exactly that.