On Top of It, or Just Faking It

Lately I feel like I've become that demographic cliche about which studies and books have been written about and which has been polemicized in the media--can modern women have it all and will that all make them happy. That is can a young (well, if mid-30's is considered young, which it is in most urban professional and social circles) working mom have it all-- children, a loving marriage, a fullfilling career, etc. (Etc stands for hobbies, spare time, volunteering, friends, and other non-work and non-household activities that ought to make one's live multidimentional and fullfilling.)
 
On paper, I also fit the American Dream demographic. I'm just one child and one white picket fence away from living the American Dream--- a house in the burbs (well, a half a million dollar 60+ year-old falling apart shack), a dog (an obstinate Basset Hound), one child (hopefully soon, one more child will make it the perfect statistical two) and a loving husband. I have a great job working in communications of a large organization working on social causes in the world.

So while on paper this all looks great, why does the reality feel so different? 

Why does it feel as if I'm just dabbling on all these things and not fully owning them, succeeding in them? Why does it sometimes feel like I'm a little girl wearing my mom's oversized stiletto shoes (my actual mother has never owned a pair of stilettos; she's a flat shoe kind of woman) pretending to play adult in front of a mirror.

Days often feel like I just rush through them barely skimming the surface moving from one thing to another, not fully delving into any of them, not fully owning any of them, not really having the time for most of these things? And why does it all often feel like it's a stage rehersal, waiting for the real show "when I grow up." Because I am grown up, at least I have all accoutrements of adulthood to show for it.

And why is it that by the time we hit mid 30's, some people see to have achieved adulthood (as defined by me) while others are still pretending, seemingly living under the "when I grow up" auspices. You know, the adults-- successful doctors, lawyers, entepreneurs, etc....who seem to be living the high live, the one where they seem to be in control.
Where does this divergence happens. It is the choice of profession? Heritage, ubpringing and inheritance? One's attitude? Or maybe just pure luck?

Are they really in control or have they just gotten better at faking it?

Around our house, we have a picket fence, but it needs to be painted white. Would this solve the problem?